You need to stop worrying about all this and just take it step-by-step. I recommend you get yourself a good beginner's book and ease yourself in gently. It takes time, knowledge and wisdom to become a witch. It doesn't happen in one day. Good authors to read are Lisa Chamberlain, Melusine Draco, and Tonya A Brown.
Keep adding to your journal as often as you can. It's a document of your journey. You can make notes of things you learn and experiences you have.
You'll learn to cast spells on your own in due course. There is no rush. And you will be able to construct and write your own words so that they are personal to yourself and thus more powerful.
I also have lots more witchy articles for the beginner: https://hubpages.com/@theraggededge