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Changing from Christianity to Paganism by Kitty the Dreamer

A Need for Balance, My Personal Journey

Since I was a little girl, much of my family on both my dad and mom's sides were Christian. My beloved grandparents who raised me were Pentecostal Christian and would take me to Church with them every Sunday morning. You could say I grew up in the Pentecostal Church, the Assemblies of God. The people in the Pentecostal Church are very serious about their beliefs in Jesus Christ and also in the Holy Spirit. And I saw and felt their dedication every time I went to Church; however, something never felt quite right to me.

I would also hear sermons that the way of Christians was a very "narrow path" not commonly traveled. That the way of the world was a wide path to destruction...this "way of the world" meant that any one who didn't believe in Jesus Christ as the savior and the "power of the Holy Spirit" was on their way to Hell. This type of preaching and teaching started my questioning. I couldn't understand how people from before Jesus was even born and people in the far corners of the Earth who had never heard the name of Jesus would simply go to Hell for not believing the same things as the Pentecostal Church. I would ask and usually the answer was that "God works in mysterious ways". This answer never quite quenched my thirst for something that made more sense...something more balanced.

Something else that truly plagued my heart and soul was the thought that a God who is truly loving and all-knowing, and a God that created everything could know that evil was a part of the world and that ultimately his creations would suffer eternally if they chose a different path than this "narrow path" of Christianity. That never seemed fair to me. How could God create the world and humans and also create Satan to tempt and destroy his beloved creation?

Again, these were just thoughts that made me realize that Christianity was not the right path for me. And as I grew up, I realized this more and more. This is not to say that Christianity is wrong or that those who follow Christianity are wrong (most of my family consider themselves to be Christian in some way or another), it is simply just not the right path for me and it isn't going to be the right path for everyone in the world.

When I was sixteen, I came across a book on Paganism. This was a new concept for me and I was intrigued immediately. After I read that first book, I was hooked to Paganism. Something struck home with me in the idea that everything in the world had a balance. That there wasn't only a male God but a female aspect of God. That there wasn't truly "good" and "evil"...that there has to be both light and dark things in the world in order to have true balance. In hearing these concepts, they felt true and right deep down inside of me..and I knew I had found my path. But there was always that thought in the back of my mind, "you're going to Hell. This is the work of the devil and he has you snared."

Now, if you watch TheShoeWhisperer's video that I've posted below, you'll hear her say that if a Pagan has these thoughts that they are probably Christian deep down inside. I have to say as much as I love TheShoeWhisperer, I disagree wholeheartedly with that statement. The problem with these domineering & controlling thoughts popping into people's minds who were once Christian and have changed paths to Paganism is that these thoughts were so pushed into our minds from young ages that it is difficult to fully rid ourselves of that fear. Fear is a powerful tactic that many religions use in order to control their followers, and the idea of Hell and Satan and following different spiritual paths leads to eternal damnation is nothing but a fear tactic. Another main reason why I didn't feel Pentecostal Christianity was the right path for me.

So back to my story, I went a couple of years professing to be Wiccan in high school. I didn't tell many people for fear of being judged, and the people I did end up telling only told other people that they shouldn't have...and eventually I was teased for it in school. People called me a "witch" and some people wouldn't even sit next to me in class because they thought I'd put a "spell" on them. For a year or so after graduation, I sort of strayed from Paganism...not purposely, but just because life took a toll on my mind, and I was distracted by work, school, heartbreak, and other things of that nature.

Once I moved to Florida when I was nineteen, I got back on track with Paganism. And it felt good. I met other people who believed in the same things as me and even joined a coven. That was the best spiritually I had ever felt. Spending Sabbats outside, gathered around a bonfire, with my coven felt like I was at home. The Goddess and the God smiled down on me, and I smiled back. But I also came to realize that the "narrow path" of Christianity was not narrow at all...that most of the people I knew and met were indeed Christian in some way or another. The actual narrow path was the path of Paganism...and there were and still are struggles and hardships on this narrow path. Maybe you'll know what I mean, so we'll explore that a little further in the next section.

Struggles Pagans Face on the Narrow Path

So the way of a Pagan is truly a rewarding and fulfilling path, but as I've said before it is a narrow path to walk. It is a wild and unbeaten path...a very ancient path overgrown with brush and grass. But...the path is still there and it is beginning to widen with more and more people coming home to the old ways. But I will not lie to you. There are many struggles one faces when walking a Pagan path. When my coven went their separate ways, I went back to being a solitary Pagan.

The first struggle is that it can be a lonely path. Even though there are more and more Pagans out there in the world, most people do not talk about it with others because it is still a very touchy subject. Even with open-mindedness growing in society, there are still those who will curse and condemn others for believing something different than what they believe. Which is truly sad. So you may find that being a Pagan means that you have to teach yourself the old ways. Maybe you live in a town that is predominantly Baptist and if you even speak the word "Wicca" or "Pagan" they might contemplate exiling your or performing an exorcism. You don't have to tell anyone...that's the thing with Paganism. The Goddess and the God or the Gods (whatever you believe) will not condemn you to eternal damnation if you choose to not tell anyone your beliefs. I have to be honest and say that other than writing on the internet, I do not tell many people my beliefs. If someone asks, then I will tell them but I don't go around yelling it from the rooftops.

Not being able to learn from a teacher or a circle of people who have the same beliefs is a lonely way of life. But, think of it this way. If you were following the path that everyone around you followed, what would there be to really learn? How would your soul actually grow? It is lonely to learn these things on your own, but in the end you will be stronger. If you can find a coven or circle to join, go for it! Just be sure to screen the purposes and intent of the group before committing to it (there are whacky people out there in all paths of religion so just be careful).

If you choose to tell people that you are Pagan, don't expect everyone to take the news well...and don't expect others to join your path with you. Be openminded to others beliefs and if they judge you, don't judge them in return. Show them unconditional love, which is what the god and goddess do for us every day on every level. Don't let them beat you up about it either, though. There is a balance to everything.

Another struggle that you might find is that your beliefs in different traditions and pathways change. I don't look at this as a "struggle", though. My beliefs are a mixture of many different traditions and paths, including Egyptian, Native American, and Celtic. And guess what? That's okay! If you choose to bounce around and experience and work with different traditions and pantheons, you are simply learning and growing. Let things happen...and take something away from everything that you learn.

Keep your head up. Changing from Christianity to Paganism is not an easy time...and if you ever feel that you have to go back to Christianity, that is okay too. Do what you feel in your heart is right and not what other people tell you is right. What is right for you is right. There is no wrong in that aspect. Stay true to yourself and be good to others.

This original article was written and copyrighted by © Kitty the Dreamer (Nicole Canfield), and may not be copied or reproduced in any way, except with expressed permission of the author. Thank you.

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Comments 39 comments

Tim Begg profile image

Tim Begg 8 weeks ago from South Africa

Hey Kitty. I was SO impressed with your article! I also moved away from Christianity - and for many of the same reasons as you - although I follow the Shamanic path. Like you, I have also incorporated aspects from many other faiths and belief-systems, and found that as long as they do not directly contradict each other, and as long as your motive is 'For the Highest Good', then there is no conflict. It hasn't been easy, but it has been SO rewarding.

A truly enlightening and encouraging article. Namaste.


Witchywoman79 9 months ago

Thank Kittythedreamer. I sure will see if I can find books by those authors.


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 9 months ago from the Ether Author

Witchywoman79 - If you want to be Wiccan, I suggest the first thing you do is read read read. Study the religion. If you are close to a large city or metropolitan area, you might be able to find a Wiccan coven to take you in and a mentor to teach you. Look covens up on the internet to see if you're close to one. Of course be careful getting involved in a small religious group, as you never know what kind of morals they have. I suggest starting out reading Scott Cunningham, Eileen Holland, Timothy Roderick, etc.


Witchywoman79 9 months ago

Kitty, I am new at Wicca and I am trying to find away that I fit into. I feel that is where I should be, but I was raised Baptist my whole life. I talked with my mom about turning to wicca so that I can feel more better about myself. She supports me in what I want to do. I just don't know what I am doing. Could you give me a little direction?


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 2 years ago from the Ether Author

Thanks, snakesmum. Much luck and blessings to you on your path.


Snakesmum profile image

Snakesmum 2 years ago from Victoria, Australia

Very well written and interesting hub! Like you, I can remember questioning Christianity as a child, and being told to "Just have faith". Somehow, I just couldn't believe blindly. Currently, I'm still finding my path.


Chris Remmie profile image

Chris Remmie 2 years ago from Ohio

Great hub, kitty. Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm a well-rooted Christian and I must say there are a wide variety of experiences and teachings in Christianity. Sadly, some people's experience isn't that great and they see the "religious" side of it rather than the relationship side of it. Christianity is more of a relationship with God and people rather than keeping up with rituals, etc. Anyway, I was browsing through your hubs and this one caught my eye because the first hub that I wrote recently, "The Gospel and Why the Right Belief Matters," addresses the very issue you raise in your hub. We all have to decide for ourselves what the truth is, so I implore you to check out this particular hub. I don't have any feed back on it yet, but as long as people are reading it and reflecting on it, then I'm grateful. I have a second hub written but it's really deep and can be confusing especially for those outside of Christianity. That's besides the point haha. I hope you take the time to read and consider its meaning. I'm tolerant of other people's beliefs, but Christianity makes the most sense to me. Most people reject it because they have a misguided concept about it (even those who have years of experience in it). That's my calling in life--to inform the "ignorant" (I use this as a technical term not a derogatory term). God bless.


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 3 years ago from the Ether Author

annie - That is so sweet! Thank you for reading. Blessings.


anniekatz12 3 years ago

i'm a former catholic and completely understand your comments about fear. i still have that little nagging thought in the back of my mind that i'm heading to hell in a handbasket! if i had to tell you how i found paganism, i couldn't. i think it was just there waiting in my heart to be noticed. this is a great hub and i'm sure there are many others out there like me who still need a little reminder once in a while that no matter what they told us in religious ed, we're still ok. and you my lady are wonderful! many blessings!


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 3 years ago from the Ether Author

Rog - Too true, my friend. That debate could go on forever! LOL. I follow the ways of my celtic ancestors, but along the way I create my own religion...my own spirituality. Thanks for reading and commenting.


Radical Rog profile image

Radical Rog 3 years ago from Plymouth

Kitty, true it does mean country dweller but it was used with the implication of being ignorant and uneducated as, they're just a country dweller so what do they know, insult, which is where the misnomer element comes in.

Personally, I'm proud of being a pagan, but would also argue that those that call themselves Christian do so wrongly. They are not Christian because they do not follow the teachings of Christ, but of their particular segment of the Church. But here we are into a whole new ballgame in which it is possible to argue that those who call themselves pagan are in fact more Christian than those claiming to be so. A label is one thing, the meaning of that label another.


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 3 years ago from the Ether Author

Rog - Thanks for your comment. I do have to say that saying one is a "Pagan" is not a misnomer. The term actually meant country-dweller when Christianity was first spreading throughout Europe, and the country-dwellers were those people who had yet to conform to the Church's will. This term has stuck and is used commonly throughout society now to say that these people are trying to follow the old ways of those "country-dwellers" in that Pagans follow the old gods and try to recreate the old traditions of their ancestors. If we were to say that using the term "Paganism" is a misnomer, then much of the "Christians" today should not be calling themselves "Christians" either. While labels are indeed labels, they are words...and words are what we use to communicate and to understand things in this life. Just my two-sense. :)


Radical Rog profile image

Radical Rog 3 years ago from Plymouth

MysticMoonlight, you need to understand that Paganism is such a misnomer and only used because of modern societies desire to label things. The real meaning is that pagans are not constrained by religious ideology and doctrine, but free to open their mind to their spiritual need.

For example, Jesus said, Happy are those conscious of their spiritual need.. (Mathew 5:3). There are those who argue that in truth, Jesus was a pagan and his true teaching was perverted by the Church. See the Lost Scriptures, those the Church rejected when selecting which ones to include in the bible.

You, like me and countless others, feel spiritually restrained by religious doctrine, which you are. Breaking out takes courage, so congratulations. Open your mind to the questions the Church does not want you to ask because these reveal the lies they tell. Your frustration and confusion was born of an awakening consciousness that you spiritual need was not being fulfilled. To fill that need you must open your mind because spiritual truth can only enter a mind that is open enough to let it in.


MysticMoonlight 3 years ago

Thank you very much for your encouraging words. It really means a lot because indeed, I know that you know how I feel. I admire your courage and spirit and also for sticking with what you know to be true about you. I do hope to get there someday and I believe that I will. Your strength is good inspiration :)

I think I'm fighting what I already know because of guilt and for me to get anywhere, I must learn to let go. It's hard but I know that I must work on that, always. I just continue to educate myself and learn as much as I can. I love to learn so that's the easy part!

I love what you said about God/Goddess/Source being all in the same, I've recently started to explore and grasp this aspect. I really like it.

Thanks again, I love your work and enjoy your Hubs very much :)


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 3 years ago from the Ether Author

MysticMoonlight - I thoroughly enjoyed your comment, although I know how personal it was for you to write it. I enjoyed it, because I know your situation all too well. For the past couple of years though, I have referred to myself as Pagan and just over the past year I have been rather open about it. I do live in the suburbs and although most people are Christian here, the city as a whole is more open-minded than some of the US' smaller towns. So I can understand the need to not be as open in some places, for fear of persecution from others. I would encourage you to go with what makes you happy, what makes you truly feel at home deep down inside. Whether that be paganism or christianity, it doesn't matter. I believe God/Goddess/Source is all the same thing anyway! Blessings and Happy Beltane.


MysticMoonlight 3 years ago

Hello kitty,

Wonderful Hub. Voted, voted, voted :) I've struggled with feelings of staying and going, distance and closeness within and in regards to religion for over a year now. I simply refer to myself as Spiritual because to be honest, I don't fit exactly within anywhere at the moment. Some days I struggle because I'm not as Christian as I "should" be and feel guilty. Some days, I feel the call of the old ways so loudly and so fiercely that it moves me to tears. Confused and torn, that is me. And, I live in the smallest of small towns and EVERYONE is a Christian. It would be an understatement to say that I feel out of place and that I do not fit in. I suspect that a couple of people that I've crossed paths with recently are Pagan or perhaps just Spiritual, not sure, but I think I may take advantage of opportunities to get to know them a little more.

I've noticed that I often feel like I must pick a "side" and follow through. I know I don't have to but it's a nagging feeling that I dislike very much.

Thank you for sharing your story. When I read of others' like experiences and situations, it's strange how it's a comfort in a way. Blessings to you on this day of Beltane :)


Radical Rog profile image

Radical Rog 3 years ago from Plymouth

This is a greta hub. People find themselves drawn to seeking spiritual knowledge yet a society moulded by religious intolerance always tries to suppress this desire, forcing people to conform and believe in what they say is a mystery.

There is a principle here. Only a lie seeks to hide away, refusing to be examined while urging people to believe and have faith. Those who promote the lie oppress those who seek the truth for fear they will be discovered for what they are.

The truth will stand out in the full light of day without putting restriction on those who wish to test and question. Those who seek the truth put no restriction on those following a lie for a lie will always reveal itself for what it is.

Congratulations for not settling for a mystery.


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 3 years ago from the Ether Author

laidbacklady - I feel the exact same way as you. I am open to all religions and cultures, and I only expect open-mindedness from others...though they don't always live up to those expectations. We have to spread the love...we have to be accepting of others even if they aren't accepting of us. That's how I am trying to live my life now...for many years I was angry at the Church and Christianity in general, but now I know that being angry is not going to help myself or anyone else. I truly understand that the Divine is all the same thing, it's just that many different people have many different names for it. To me...it is the Source of all existence...the Universe. I too love the native americans' ways and beliefs..how beautiful of a lifestyle! Thanks so much for sharing and for reading this hub. Many Blessings to you!


laidbacklady profile image

laidbacklady 3 years ago from Plumsted Township, NJ

Excellent hub, Kitty. I was raised Methodist, mostly by my mother in my early youth, then I attended Assemblies of God churches with a good friend of mine as a teenager after my parents split. However, I felt as you did. Something was not quite right in that church. There seemed to be a lot of devotion there, but I almost felt as if people were "show-boating" during the service. If my attention and focus are supposed to be on the Almighty, why then am I drawn from my reverie by Mrs. Smith or Mr. Jones who are loudly speaking in tongues and drawing all eyes to themselves? At 15, I have to be honest, I was saying to myself; "Yeah, right."

Now, being a 40-something, I don't see the religions as being as separate from each other as I once did. I believe at their core, all religions have a Higher Power which they allude to in their scriptures. Whether it be A Divine Presence, A God/Goddess combination, A Great Creator, or whatever.

I have read the Bible many times and depending on the version you read (another red flag for me--way too many human translations!!) God is purported to have used the term "We" when speaking of Himself, which would seem to indicate "more than one" Being in the Hierarchy. The more I read, the more questions I have--not more answers. Confusing, as you alluded to in your hub.

I believe the Native Americans have the sensible way to look at leadership and worship. Not all things can exist in only one being. Being a human, I don't see how it would be possible, or even desirable. They have a leader for worship, for medicine, for war, etc. And they each work in their own way, for the good of the tribe or the people.

I have come to think of the Creator as a Divine Holy Council or something like that. I also believe that we would have no clue what we were looking at if the Creator(s) presented itself/themselves to us.

I call myself a Christian, but perhaps I should say I am a believer in the Creator Who Created All Things. I was raised to talk to God openly, which I do daily, and to always be good to others, which I always strive to do every day. I am open to all forms of beliefs and customs and would not judge anyone, Pagan, Christian, Muslim, or even Atheist. The world is a huge place and would be utterly boring if we were all the same.

Voted up, beautiful, awesome and interesting!


CatherineJPeed profile image

CatherineJPeed 3 years ago from Ohio

This is absolutely beautiful and up-lifting. I too came from a Christian home and converted to Paganism. I did so at such a young age but the relations between certain family members and myself have yet to heal. I can relate to this, which is why I love it so much. Congratulations on finding yourself and making such a decision! I know this is an old post, but I recently joined Hubpages and this popped up. I couldn't help but fall in love with this post and felt the urge to let you know!

-Blessed Be

Catherine


shawneemckee92 3 years ago

You are a very good writer and I have really enjoyed reading this hub. I have not chosen my path or religious choice yet, but I do say that I have that same "inner voice" saying that I'm going to hell or sinning by not following Christianity like I should. It bothers me to no end because I'm not sure of what is true and what is not, because maybe I'm making the wrong choice. I've decided to just live life and not worry about such things. Again, thank you for writing such a beautiful article.


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 4 years ago from the Ether Author

Marsei - sounds like you have all the makings of a Pagan! Teehee. Thanks so much for sharing your story, as I have gone through very similar experiences in my childhood with Christianity. I have learned to accept people for who they are, but still work on that day by day. Blessings!

liftandsoar - Thanks for your open-mindedness and kindness you've expressed here. Rarely do I meet a Christian who shows such warmth and kindness. Do not grieve over my experiences...they've made me who I am today and add to my strength and path to the Divine. Thanks again!

diyomarpandan - You're sweet. Blessings to you and your transitioning!


liftandsoar profile image

liftandsoar 4 years ago from Richmond, VA

The reason I came across your hub is that it landed at the bottom of one of mine in the Discover More Hubs section. I'm a retired Christian pastor who has spent a lifetime inviting folks to walk with Christ. So your theme caught my attention.

Few Christians seem to realize that our faith should be the most respectful and tolerant of all others. The reason is that the Bible teaches that faith is a gift from God. If that is so then no one can be faulted for not have having faith and no one can be credited for having it.

I grieve over the treatment you've received at the hands of misguided Christians. The fault is not with the God of Scripture but with the many who have distorted his Word.

I respect your courage and freedom and ability to write of your experience. Since true Christian faith is a gift you can ask for it, but that's your choice which I and other Christians must respect. Thanks for writing of your pilgrimage.


Marsei profile image

Marsei 4 years ago from New Orleans

I was intrigued with what you wrote because I hear so much of myself in your words. I have had all the same doubts about Christianity. I envy you findng somehthing that works for you. At present, I am much like lord de cross and believe in an intelligent maker of all and that we all find our own path. My "religion" has no name, just my beliefs and practices and I suppose the outdoors is as much a church as I'll enter in the remaining years of my life. You are very brave to write this hub; it's a controversial subject, to say the least. I appreciate your lack of criticism and your acceptance of Christians because I feel the same way, just not necessarily for me. I have some bitterness from having been dragged to church through my childhood and forced to listen a minister drone on about sin and damnation, but I survived and found my own way, just as you have. I'm voting up and interesting and useful and awesome and I would add corageous.

I also love your caveat about being sure of the group's purpose.

marsei


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 4 years ago from the Ether Author

Thanks, Parks! :)


Parks McCants profile image

Parks McCants 4 years ago from Eugene Oregon U.S.A.

Thank you. Well done!


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 4 years ago from the Ether Author

WTF! Thank you for notifying me, homesteadbound. Now I have to go through the painstaking process of reporting this site to google for plagiarism. GRRR...I hate it when people copy my work. And this person literally just copied & pasted my entire hub! How frustrating.

TK - Sorry! I've been completely inspired lately! You don't have to catch up...just read what you can...and even if nyou can't do that...no biggie! :) Thank you so much for your sweet, kind words. And just know that you will be blessed one day.


TKs view profile image

TKs view 4 years ago from The Middle Path

Dang it kitty!

You're a writing machine of late and I don't have time right now to read every one of your excellent hubs. I want to. I read the title and go, "Awesome, I can't wait to read that one."

I'm so far behind now, I don't know how I'll ever catch up, not only with reading them, but also offering my humble responses to you about your deep insights.

I truly appreciate the service you are providing through this article. The personal touch in your story invites and allows the reader to recollect their own path. Your words are welcoming to those of all faiths and I feel in you the path of harmlessness. It is the path of the saints and all those who have been touched by the grace of spirit.

But, as you well know by now, you've "cast a spell" on me from the first hub I read of yours. And I don't mind a bit.

Peace be with you, my friend.


homesteadbound profile image

homesteadbound 4 years ago from Texas


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 4 years ago from the Ether Author

cherylone - It's difficult to get those fears out of your head, but persevere. If being a Pagan is what's right for you, then don't let anyone tell you otherwise.


cherylone profile image

cherylone 4 years ago from Connecticut

Kitty, I am glad you wrote this because I have been truly struggling with the "deep" questions of Christianity that I have grown up with because I find pagenism feels more like the path I should be treading. thank you for sharing.


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 4 years ago from the Ether Author

lord - Actually, my great-grandmother passed in 2004 and she was exactly 104 as well! Too cool. Thanks for sharing. :)


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago

She did pass at 104 in 1996. She is for sure around us...and her memory is a constant reminder of her strength


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago

Kitty..she is in my writings as you might sense..and she was a wonderful woman. Way back she was a midwife and all. She died at 104 in 1996. Take care!


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 4 years ago from the Ether Author

Mark - And all the best to you! You have a sweet soul.

lord - I'll have to come check out your 30/30 then. Thanks for the wonderful support, as always. Your grandma was a special individual, that's for sure. She is passed now? Do you still feel her presence?


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago

A very sensitive issue Kitty, haven't commented much, because I was on that 30/30 challenge. After seeing your video and your own beliefs, I appreciate your being honest with your friends, family and readers. I have some kind of pagan past, since grandma was a healer and used to read me the cards. What I believe is in an intelligent maker of all. We as children learn and follow eventually the path we think is right..! Great article indeed...and you have a wonderful smile!Lol! Take care kitty!


markbennis 4 years ago

Congratulations Kitty on being your own woman and personally deciding in your own beliefs, the world is yours to grow and learn, all the best, Mark.


kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 4 years ago from the Ether Author

hecate-horus - Thanks for the share & votes. Blessings to you. :)


hecate-horus profile image

hecate-horus 4 years ago from Rowland Woods

Nope, it's not easy AT ALL. I think you've captured the emotions and thoughts of most Christians turned Pagan. Thank you for a great hub!! Shared and voted up!

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