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Man’s Hysterical Explanation for Why Cryptids Don’t Exist Is Too Funny

This is too good.
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When it comes to cryptids, or animals that people claim exist but have never been scientifically proven to do so, I like to keep an open mind. When I was a wee thing, I found giant sea squids in a book of cryptids I used to pore over. Then, they thought they were the stuff of sailors' tall tales, like mermaids or sea monsters. Now, however, we know that giant squids are a real thing. They may not attack ships at sea, but they are quite real. So maybe Bigfoot, too, is a real thing, or used to be, or—if some Bigfoot researchers are to be believed—it’s sometimes is, as it’s actually a inter-dimensional being capable of phasing in and out with our reality.

This hilarious video posits the reason that we don’t have cryptids around as readily as other creatures. Guess what? It all goes back to Noah’s Ark.

In this video, a one-man skit, a man pretends to be both Noah and the animals trying to board his ark. According to his version of the story, Noah did make room for cryptid-type animals on his ark, but his plans were changed when the various breeds* of dogs in the world—golden retriever, Labrador retriever, Chihuahua, etc.—rose up and each insisted on their own, separate berth. (Amusingly, the water-going Newfoundland dog insisted he could just swim). After that, the unicorns, sasquatchs, and etc. did not have room on the ark.

This is similar in plot line to the children’s poem by Shel Silverstein, “The Unicorn”, which also posits that the reason unicorns exist in legend but not in fact is that it didn’t make it onto Noah’s Ark.

Food for thought.

* Yes, we know that breeds of dogs are a modern invention, just like place names for them such as Labrador, Chihuahua, and Newfoundland.

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