8 Major Downsides to Being an Empath
1. Loss of Self
I think the hardest thing about being an empath is not knowing who you are. When everyone else’s thoughts, emotions, and sometimes even physical pains feel like your own, it can be impossible to know what is really you and what is someone else. I might feel really depressed all of a sudden. My mind “helps” by making up a story to go with the feeling, giving a reason for my depression. But what I am feeling may actually be my neighbor’s depression—not my own at all. It is like looking at a plate of spaghetti. I know one of those strands of spaghetti is me, but I can’t tell which one.
2. You Can’t Turn It Off
You don’t have a choice when to feel empathic and when not. Other people’s thoughts and emotions intrude on your life all the time, even in your sleep. You can block it, but this takes constant effort and leaves you feeling drained. You will unintentionally know things about random people, things you never wanted to know. If in a crowd, you will be overwhelmed by all of the different thoughts and emotions you feel. Which has a cascading effect leading to #3-6.
3. Constant Overwhelm or Overstimulation
Constant fatigue comes from the constant state of being overstimulated and overwhelmed by what you sense around you. We all have a certain radius to our perception. That is, some of us only sense things when in very close proximity to the person. Others sense things clearly from across the world. Some people can sense not just through space, but through time as well. They can hold an object and connect to the people who have touched that object in the past. So, in order to have any break from what they are sensing, an empath needs to be alone in a very secluded place.
4. Solitude and Seclusion
Most empaths need a lot of alone time to recover from being around people. For me, being alone is not enough. I need to be alone, far away from people to get any kind of break. Nature helps tremendously. Nature is like a sponge that absorbs everything and leaves me feeling like myself. It is the only place where I truly know who I am. However, this need for seclusion and solitude, and subsequent withdrawal from society, can make friendships and relationships difficult.
5. Friendship and Relationship Issues
Like many empaths, I tend to have just a few close friends. I avoid superficial gatherings and crowds. Sometimes, though, when I want to spend time with friends, my need for solitude is greater. Friends don’t tend to stick around if you never make time for them. Often times, as an empath, you will know things about your friends that they are not aware of themselves. If you push too hard, or tell them things they are not ready to hear, you may sabotage the friendship.
Needing so much time alone can leave you feeling. . . lonely. It’s a double-edged sword. An empath desperately desires deep connection. There is nothing better than being with someone who opens themselves and allows the empath in. An empath sees the inside of people, kind of like standing outside the window watching a warm scene inside, but not being invited in. The empath knows the people inside as if they are family. But to the people, the empath is a stranger and an intruder. So, the next best thing to being invited in is being alone.
7. Not Infallible
An empath relies heavily on their intuition. They perceive the world and make decisions based on that intuition. But their intuition is not always right. It is possible to be tricked by a con artist. I don’t know how, but some people can change their personality like they change their shirt. They can genuinely be one person one minute, and a totally different person the next. This is very confusing for the empath.
8. When It Doesn’t Work
I am precognisant, meaning I have fore-knowledge of life events. Most of the time, it is not specific knowledge, but more of a feeling. For example, if I am planning a trip, I think about a point in the future that occurs after returning from the trip—from this insight I get a sense of whether or not that event will actually happen. If I feel strongly that the future event will happen, then I am confident the trip will go as planned and I will return safely. On the other hand, if that future event seems uncertain, I might be hesitant to take the trip. Some days I wake up knowing that my day will not go as planned, that something unexpected will happen. One morning as I was getting dressed, I felt strongly that I should wear something nicer than the clothes I planned to hang around the house in all day. I didn’t know why, but I put on something decent. Later that morning, an unexpected guest showed up and I was glad that I listened and got dressed that day!
I did not realize how much I rely on my precognition until it didn’t work one day and a death in the family took me by surprise. I was shocked and scared. It was like suddenly going blind, since the sense that I relied on was gone. I think it was good though, to realize how strong my precognition is and how much I have relied on it all my life without really knowing I was doing so.
What About You?
What do you find is the hardest thing about being an empath?
While there are many downsides to being an empath, it can also be a great privilege. You can use your empathic ability to help others. Being empathic affords you the unique opportunity to connect with people on a deeper level and help them heal. For more about what it is like to be an empath, read these real life examples.
© 2019 Amanda Buck