Sue writes about dreams, real estate, mental health, human resources, and parenting.
Why Do Dreams Reoccur?
Dreams reflect a dreamer's feelings, thoughts, unconscious drives, and unfinished business. They also allow a dreamer to gain personal insight, which allows them to process and resolve issues from their waking life. Dreams and dream work can be a powerful tool for personal growth and goal achievement.
Recurring dreams, whether they are pleasant dreams or nightmares, are very significant to the dreamer. Dreams can reoccur for many reasons. The most likely reason is that the message or purpose of the dream has not been received by the dreamer, and the issue it highlights is being left unresolved and ignored.
Recurring dreams often turn into nightmares when the dreamer continues to ignore something important in their waking lives. This issue housed in the dream will wait for the dreamer and will not go away, despite the dreamer convincing him/herself that it does not exist. The nightmare is an extreme version of the dream content screaming for the dreamer's attention.
Attempting to Understand Recurring Dreams
Understanding the meaning of a dream that reoccurs for you can be tricky. After all, this dream is likely highlighting an issue you have not attended to and may even be repressing. If you are repressing or denying something within your life or within you, that thing is not going to be the first thing you think of when you begin to explore the meaning of this dream—after all, your conscious mind is doing a good job of avoiding the idea hiding in the dream.
So how do you figure out the meaning? You can start by asking yourself a few questions:
- What have you put off in your life? (Examples: education, a new job, having children, ending a relationship, confronting something or someone, the next step, etc.)
- What problem or facet of life have you not addressed? (Examples: spirituality, faith, emotions, creativity, childhood dreams, goals as an adult, issues with your mom, issues with your dad, issues with another person, issues with your boss, follow-up on health issues, etc.)
- What do you feel you do not have control over in your life?
- Review a few suggested interpretations from a dream dictionary. Do any suggestions jump out at you? If an interpretation feels like it's correct, then it probably is.
- If you are still unable to find a suitable interpretation that gives you that Aha! moment, ask yourself which possible interpretations did you dismiss? Or, which ones appalled you, annoyed you, or evoked other unpleasant emotions? It is hard to confront what you are not confronting, but allow yourself to entertain the idea—just for a few moments—that that particular meaning is correct. It is likely this is either the meaning you are searching for, or it is beginning to point you towards a truth you'd rather not face.
How to Stop Having Recurring Dreams
It is important to always be honest with yourself and confront issues as they come up.
Obviously, this is easier said than done. If the steps above helped you identify a possible meaning to the dream, then as you address the issue the dream highlights for you, the dream will change, and you will begin to progress through the steps towards resolution. Your dreams will reflect your progress, and you may be able to gauge how well you are doing based on the evolution of your dreams.
If you have not found the meaning and are truly stuck, you may try to resolve the issue backwards by working out the dream within the dream. This sounds a bit strange, but just as dreams help us understand and resolve things going on in our waking life, dreams can also help us make changes internally (emotionally, intellectually, etc.) so that we approach situations in our waking life a bit differently. As we begin to change, we may indirectly resolve the issue that created the recurring dream in the first place.
Dream Work: How to Resolve Issues Within Dreams
- Encourage dreams and dream recall by getting plenty of rest, avoiding alcohol and mind-altering substances, and writing down your dreams in a dream journal each night.
- Once you are a bit more aware of your dreams, you can work towards having a lucid dream. A lucid dream is a dream in which you are aware you are dreaming but continue to sleep. It is within lucid dreams that the dreamer is able to make changes to the dreamscape and willfully affect and participate in their dreams.
- If you are unable to lucid dream (this takes practice and dedication that many do not have the time for), you may also lay down in a quiet, darkened room and remember your dream with your eyes closed. Walk yourself through the dream, visualizing each aspect over and over. Slow the dream down and picture yourself making changes and doing the opposite. Attempt to resolve the dream by changing the story and changing the outcome. Example: if you are dreaming of being chased by something, turn around and face it, look at it, examine it—what is it? Accept that it cannot hurt you. These visualizations may help you affect your dreams which may also help you alter how you are approaching life or situations that are creating issues for you now.
How to Have Lucid Dreams
Lucid dreaming may come naturally for some but takes practice, time, and commitment for most. The first step is becoming more aware of your dreams and being able to recall dream content.
- Once you begin to remember dreams often and have vivid dreams, you are closer to having a lucid dream.
- For most people, when they become aware they are dreaming and realize they are sleeping and the dream is not real, they instantly wake up from the dream.
- If your heart rate increases, you will wake up. You may realize you are dreaming, get excited that you are having a lucid dream, and wake yourself up.
- This takes practice, but try to remind yourself before you sleep each night that you may realize you are dreaming and still remain in the dream. Remind yourself to stay calm, breathe slowly, and slow down. Prepare yourself to understand you are dreaming and look around your landscape.
- If you are in the recurring dream (congratulations, this is where you wanted to be!), only control the parts you need to change. These parts could include facing a monster, grabbing a hold of a steering wheel, warning someone of danger, etc. These changes may affect your recurring dream and help you resolve it.
- Controlling every aspect of where you look and what you are doing can feel strange and will often slow down the dream and feel forced. Allow yourself at times to just flow with the dream.
- It is important to continue to identify the part of your life producing the dream. This should be an ongoing process.
Lucid dreaming, for people who follow the steps and are committed to becoming more aware of their dreams, can take several months to achieve. It may take you even longer to find yourself lucid within the recurring dream. This process is clearly not something to expect to complete overnight.
The best way to achieve some sort of resolution for the dream is to begin the visualization exercises listed above. Allowing yourself to avoid the meaning of the dream or put off resolving the issue is negatively reinforcing the recurring dream.
It can be uncomfortable and difficult, but tricking yourself to change your approach and perspective on the dream (and on situations you are experiencing in your waking life) will allow you to begin to resolve the issues you are not confronting.
Being Chased in a Dream: What Does It Mean?
Most dreamers are reporting being chased as the number one theme associated with their recurring dream. Some report having the same dream repeatedly, while others report having different dreams each night but with a common theme (e.g. of being chased or pursued by something).
We have learned that unlocking the meaning of our recurring dream and understanding how it may relate to something unresolved in our lives can help us move on from this dream. So, what could a dream of being chased mean?
We should always consider the literal meaning. Sometimes this is overlooked, yet it is the best fit. For example, I once reviewed a chase dream, and the dreamer admitted to being pursued by a potential attacker down an alley a few years prior. Sometimes, a chase dream reflects a memory or a general fear of experiencing the actual situation in the dream.
Being chased can often relate to something the dreamer is attempting to avoid. If it is a recurring dream, then it is not likely something you are successfully avoiding. This could relate to an emotion, a situation, insecurity, etc.
If you are the one doing the chasing in the dream, perhaps you are pursuing something or attempting to capture something in life (e.g. a relationship, a goal, a feeling, an accomplishment, etc.). Feelings and urges of aggression should be explored. The feelings we express the least in our waking lives are usually the subject of our recurring dreams.
Chasing can be symbolic, and we use this word in many contexts in our daily lives. A review of some common idioms can give us a dream interpretation breakthrough:
- A wild goose chase: A long search for something that is hard to find—or may not even exist.
- Chasing your own tail: This relates to how a dog can run around and around chasing his tail. This relates to going in circles and not making progress.
- Ambulance chaser: This is an insult directed at lawyers and referring to them as someone who seeks out crisis only to profit from it.
- Chase rainbows: To chase or pursue something unrealistic.
- Paper chase: A task that involves a lot of paperwork and documents.
- Chase the dragon: This is a slang term related to smoking drugs/illegal substances. Are you seeking a high in some area of your life?
- Chasing a high: Also related to drugs/alcohol and relates to someone attempting to find a way to replicate a pleasant sensation that has passed—usually in vain.
If you are enjoying this chase, perhaps this relates to your romantic pursuits and dynamics. Do you enjoy the chase? Do you enjoy being chased? Are you enjoying pursuing a relationship more than the actual relationship?
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2011 Sue B.
Sue B. (author) on December 15, 2018:
Interesting dream. Although I normally was reserving responses to people who are writing for Hubpages, this dream caught my attention so I would like to reflect on it for you.
From the outside looking in, it is hard to understand why this abandoned house is so terrifying which hints to me that this is a very emotional/psychological and personal dream for you. To me, this abandoned house sounds like something you have neglected- perhaps a place you found yourself in the past- and have not returned to physically or in thought.
The ghost highlights how this could relate to something unresolved from your past.
The dream, since it repeats and remains unresolved, may be showing you how repeated avoidance is not working for you and it could symbolize where you are "stuck" in your waking life.
I fully support pursuing therapy and working out the issues surrounding dream; however, if you are feeling ready to face your feelings on your own, this may also be helpful.
Trying to dream lucidly and attempting a different approach to the dream may help yet just thinking about it and wondering how the dream would play out if your response was different could also help.
What would happen if you awakened your curiosity and desire to discover (or rediscover)? What would it be like to face this ghost, knowing it cannot harm you?
A dream like this may reflect a fear of feeling intense feelings but, just as the ghost cannot cause physical harm, the emotions cannot either.
Writing exercises may help with this dream. Perhaps treating this dream like a story and finishing it may help push it forward. What is in this abandoned house? What does the ghost want? When was this ghost alive and what is his/her unfinished business? When was the house abandoned.
Since our dreams are in part a function of our imaginations, using our imaginations in the daytime may help work through whatever this dream is symbolizing.
I hope that helps.
ItsaMeDiego on November 30, 2018:
Nice article. Defenitively gonna try out some stuff.
I´ve been dreaming about going to this abandoned house to find something important for me, but everytime I become aware of where I am, I turn around and there´s this scary ass ghost just stalking me from behind. I start to scream to a point the pitch is too high...so I just run.
The dream "resets" itself, so I start from the very beginning until the "realization point", and get scared heavily everytime. Happened 3 times in a row, I wouldn´t wish it on nobody lol. In addition to that the first supposed hour on the dream feels like an eternity.
Sue B. (author) on February 14, 2016:
Thank you so much for your comment. Recurring dreams are interesting and if they don't get your attention the first time, they get your attention after the first few times. I have often run into people who are able to recall a dream from their childhood decades later. These dreams tend to reflect an important life lesson/life challenge for us.
Kristen Howe from Northeast Ohio on October 30, 2015:
Sue, this was an interesting read on recurring dreams. I tend to have them every so often, along with some nightmares. I would have to check out your website or come back here, if I experience another one. Great hub!
Sue B. (author) on December 21, 2014:
Thank you for sharing. Your boyfriend would be the expert of his dream experience and would ultimately know the meaning of his dream. If I look at the symbols of his dream, musicians for me in general tend to relate to a creative side as well as working towards harmony- most likely inner harmony. I tend to see different people in the dream as representing different aspects of self although they could also reflect relationships to others in past or present. Sex in dreams has a tendency to not actually mean physical intercourse, but rather, a union of opposites or an intimate knowing and acceptance of another aspect of self. Sex tends to relate to integrating feminine and masculine energies. Dreams are interesting experiences. While they could symbolize a concrete experience in our waking life, they can also reflect rather abstract psychological experiences.
Anastasia Kingsley from Croatia, Europe on December 14, 2014:
My boyfriend has a recurring dream that just recently has stopped occurring quite so frequently. A musician, he's sent to organize some gig at a club or hotel, and then the event manager (male) insists that he meet with a female manager regarding the details, and the two of them end up having sex. Any interpretations? Thanks :)
ParadigmEnacted on June 16, 2013:
Not at all, since I graduated. I think the crisis of that time just greatly influenced my psyche. Or maybe it has something to do with continuing my higher education.
Sue B. (author) on June 16, 2013:
interesting dream. Since it is recurring, what do you think it means regarding your GED? Do you think you need to go forward with this degree in order to resolve the issue?
ParadigmEnacted on June 13, 2013:
Actually I'm fully engaged in my waking life, not evasive or anything like that at all. I also find it far more constructive than school ever was. The key is that by going through life, working, having relationships, hobbies, etc, I've been operating under a false perception that I've graduated but actually haven't. So then upon returning to the school I find that I can't make up the course hours that I've missed in order to pass.
I do worry that stuff I do won't count, and a lot of it doesn't. Ironically, not having graduated on time wouldn't have been such a big deal. I often regret not just having got my GED.
Sue B. (author) on June 12, 2013:
Thank you for commenting and sharing a dream. Your recurring dream relates to a common theme. High School is often reflecting feelings of anxiety, not feeling prepared, and feeling behind in our lives in some way. Your dream has a unique twist since you are dreaming of life after high school as a grade. Are you absent in any way in your waking life or worried your efforts and work will somehow not count? Interesting dream. Thank you for sharing!
ParadigmEnacted on June 11, 2013:
I periodically dream that I'm back in high school and that all of my time since graduating were absences and that I'm in imminent danger of failing the grade as a result.
It's always a relief waking up from those in the midst of panic.
savvydating on May 15, 2013:
You are awesome. Here you are helping so many people. I'm impressed. Also, I have a recurring dream, so I'm going to address it in my conscious mind, and then ask my dreams for help!! Now I know that there is something I have not resolved with another person... Thanks for this hub, which has helped me already.
Sue B. (author) on March 09, 2013:
Thank you for sharing your dream. You may want to click on my profile and also read my hub on dreaming of an ex.
In your case, your dreams about your ex may be showing you that you are stuck. It sounds like you are undoing and dreaming of what you wish would happen or how you wish things were and not how things actually were and are.
Since he was your first love, it is possible you crave a relationship and crave love. Instead of moving backwards, how can you learn from the relationship and move forward so that you are able to find a new and fulfilling relationship?
Sue B. (author) on March 04, 2013:
Thank you for sharing your dream. Dreaming of running late for a flight or bus may relate to feeling behind in life and not getting to where you need to go professionally, emotionally, psychologically, etc. Since you pack everything you have, I would wonder if having too much "emotional baggage" was an issue in your dream. The dream gives a sense of not being prepared and being behind schedule. Since this recurred, it would be an issue that is not resolved yet. Are you behind on your life goals? Behind on your personal development?
MelisaC1211 on February 21, 2013:
I have been in a relationship for over a year and were very happy together . I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him but ... I keep having a reoccurring dream of my ex , he was my first love but we have been broken up for over two years now . In my dream the scene is different everynight but were always in a relationship and we hang out and have fun and joke around when in reality we argued all the time when we were together .
spoiledprincess31 on February 20, 2013:
I've had this dream several nights in a row. In my dream, I am running around trying to pack everything into several suitcases. I am apparently running late for either a flight or bus to take me out of town. By the end of my dream, I never make my flight or bus. What could this mean?
Sue B. (author) on December 16, 2012:
Reccurring dreams usually show you something you are ignoring, not resolving, or continue to be on your mind.
Softball can often relate to metaphors for life. Since you played this while you were younger, it may also relate to an issue that started around that time and is unresolved.
Not getting a single ball passed to you could relate to not feeling as though you have opportunities and it could reflect some frustrations in life. this could relate to relationships, work, or school. Perhaps this dream is showing you that practice is important but also putting yourself in the right place is important as well.
Sue B. (author) on December 02, 2012:
Thank you for sharing your dream. Dreaming of having sex with a boy you do not actually like can be a rather bothersome dream. It is possible you do have an attraction for him on some level. If that is the case, not admitting this to yourself in anyway could be producing reoccurring dreams.
If you feel you truly do not have any feelings for this boy, this dream may relate to a metaphor for something more emotional, psychological or spiritual. Being in the woods often relates to the unconscious. In your unconscious mind, you may be beginning to get more familiar with a part of yourself this boy is representing. You may want to explore further the Carl Jung concept of the Animus- the unconscious masculine aspect of self. Sex is often symbolic of gaining intimate knowledge but since this dream leaves you with such an uncomfortable feeling, it does not sound as though you are ready just yet to integrate this aspect of self back into your identity. Your dreams may be showing you your progress and as you make more progress, who the boy may also change.
ditto903 on November 30, 2012:
hi Sue...i often have this reoccuring dream where i play softball. i used to play it some 10 years ago in junoir high school. we had a very good coach who practically built a team out of nothing and took us to the finals, we made some history in that school, unfortunately he passed away (our then coach). now i usually have this reoccuring dreams whre i am playing softball, practisig to be precise, sometimes he's there coaching us, sometimes im just standing there watching the practise. recently i were playing 3rd base in my dream and there just was not even a single ball passing me by. what could this mean?
tatum14 on November 25, 2012:
i keep having a recurring dream where i'm with 2 boys and we are walking in an old corn field that has been harvested and there are trees surrounding the edges of the field. well i know the two boys i'm walking with and then the dream flashes to this sucluded area within the trees with a stream beside it, now before i say the rest let me make this clear i do not whatsoever $6 like either of these in feelings wise they are my friends and live on the same street as me. well in the sucluded area is me and one of the boys having sex and its distarbing to watch while dreaming. at the end of the dream the boys brother then walks in to find us there and says well looks like i was right about you to liking each other after all while smirking. i don't even like this boy! hes a year younger than i am and i just want to quit having this dream i have had for like every night for a week and a half its embarrasing as well! i just want to know why i'm having it when i don't like him and want it to stop.
Sue B. (author) on November 02, 2012:
I am sorry to hear of such a traumatic event in your life. I would agree with you that your dream sounds like it is related. I would think this room you find yourself in is the way in which you compartmentalized this event and the feelings of fear, insecurity, etc. that you have responded with. The baby sounds like something that is sacred to you- potential, hope, also your fragility and vulnerability. You have a need to protect yourself and fear violation or danger. I would feel similarly.
Although you wake up crying, i think this dream is positive and shows you resilient you are. If this continues, I would recommend discussing your situation with a counselor and see what further insights you can gain.
Lalalaloveeee on October 30, 2012:
I keep having dreams about being in a room, a flat, in a hotel, I'm fourteen year of age and a year back I was sexually abused, and it's coming up to the court trial. I have dreams that I wake up in this room, there's a baby there that's asleep but I have to look after, I have dear that people are going to break in so I close the curtains lock the door and be as quite as i can. The room isn't real and I have never seen it before but it feels so realistic and I wake up crying my eyes out, I just want to know what it might mean and how I can prevent it because it scares me to sleep....
Sue B. (author) on October 11, 2012:
If your recurring dream is about your ex, you may also want to click on my profile and find the article on dreaming of your ex. This may help you explore your dream further. Since you are convinced you do not have a desire for this ex to try to talk to again, I would explore the following:
-is my current boyfriend reminding me in some way of my ex or past relationship? What is similar?
-is my ex representing an aspect of me that I have cut off that needs my attention?
-is this dream a warning or showing a fear that I do not want my current relationship to go down a similar path as the last one?
-is it possible my experience with my ex is now shading my thoughts and having an influence over my relationship now?
I would want to really explore this dream if it is a recurring dream because it would mean I am not addressing something important in my waking life.
natatatgraeff on October 08, 2012:
I'm having a reoccurring dream that my ex keeps trying to talk to me again.. It took me about a year and a half to get over the break-up, but now I know I'm over him, got closure and everything, and am happily with someone new whose been with me for almost a year now.
I hardly ever think about my ex, so I don't know why I keep having these dreams..
What do you think?/
Sue B. (author) on September 19, 2012:
the first dream you describe with poorly kept tanks and barely alive fish sounds like it could relate to your neglect of something. That dream sounds like it showed you something needed your attention within you right away.
In the dream in which you had forgotten a room in your house, this sounds like it is part of your unconscious and you have explored it and have increased your awareness. The large fish and iguanas are positive symbols of personal development and growth. This dream may be showing the next step is reconsidering how you have "contained" these aspects of self. Do they need to be more free?
Trish on September 13, 2012:
I have a reoccuring dream about fish in various size tanks. For several years I discover these fish in very poorly kept tanks floating on top of the water barely alive. I have to decide what to do! They are almost too big to flush as I would a dead gold fish. I am not sure how to save them but I know in my dream I MUST do something. Last night I dreamed I had forgotten about a room in my house full of fish tanks. These tanks were mostly just fish bowls but the fish were healthy and had grown as large as their bowls would allow! I had to find bigger ones for them. In addition, I had a couple of iguanas that had multiplied into 30 iguanas. They were running around on the floor. I had to find a cage for them and find a home for them! What do you think?
Sue B. (author) on September 08, 2012:
Since this is a reccurring dream for you, it sounds like it is something you may be "stuck on" and continue to need to work out. Your subconscious is likely telling you this needs more attention or you need to make a change that you are not yet.
I would see the friends as aspect of self. Are you denying other parts of yourself and your life expression and attention and focusing on your ex or getting him back? Perhaps part of yourself is angry at yourself for choosing to give up vital parts of who you are. Are you sacrificing too much right now?
After a break up, we often need to stabilize our lives and our psyche. Relationships often fulfill something for us and we do not fulfill internally. There is a psychological construct that would mirror our boyfriend. If you click on my profile and read dreaming of ex there would be more information on the Animus, the unconscious masculine aspect of self.
Now that there is a hole or void from this missing relationship, you will need to find a way to fill this void within yourself and heal before you are able to move on- or pursue this ex again- in order to have stable and fulfilling relationships.
Tess on September 05, 2012:
My boyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago and I'm completely heartbroken and miss him incredibly. Every single night I dream that we talk things through and get back together and then proceed to have sex but something always interrupts us during sex. It is often either his friends or my friends that come into the room and want to hang out so we have to stop. Last night in my dream we had just got back together and my friends appeared and were really angry with me for getting back together with him and said I had to choose between them and him and I chose him but then woke up feeling terrible that I had isolated my friends for him. What does all this means!?
Sue B. (author) on August 29, 2012:
I find dreams reocur when we are not confronting something important. It could be your feelings about your ex have not been processed and are holding you back. It also could be that your ex and his ex represent aspects of self that need significant attending to.
An ex can be associated with the unconscious masculine aspect of self, the Animus. This particular aspect for women could help or hinder romantic relationships. Resolving issues with the Animus may have positive affects on relationships in the future. We need to first heal the relationship within before we can have positive relationships with others.
This dream gives me the sense that you may need to heal in the following areas:
- feeling worthy for love
- loving yourself and feeling worthy of self-love
-accepting and finding peace in the idea that someone's feelings about another person does not take away from their feelings for me.
-your ex can haunt your future relationship just as if the tables were turned in this dream. What do you need to do to start working this out so you can prevent this?
hannah G. on August 25, 2012:
I keep having this dream where Im married to my ex whom i loved very much. but his ex whom he loved too much i feel bc she was the reason we didn't work out bc he still loves her is there visiting our house. please help me what does this mean and how can i stop it.
Sue B. (author) on August 20, 2012:
I wrote other hubs about the purpose of dreams and dreams are often used as a way for us to filter our daily events and stressors. It sounds like a healthy dream life to constantly have water and symbols of cleansing and emotional purification within your dreams!
GM on August 19, 2012:
I always dream about water. Either I'm showering, it's raining, I'm the ocean/pool (always blue). I'm swimming, falling into the water, looking at a stream. Always water!
Sue B. (author) on August 07, 2012:
marissa- our dreams can be so interesting and unpredictable! I have noticed the more a person wants to dream of someone, the less likely they are. I am not sure why this is but I think there are a few factors. I think the most likely issue is the reason why we want to dream of them so badly. Ironically, this could be preventing us from dreaming of them. Also, we do not recall most of the dreams we have per night. Considering we have 5-8 dreams per night and only recall maybe 1 per night if at all, we are truly losing a lot of dream content. It is very possible you are not recalling dreams of your ex or your uncle. Why? I have noticed I tend to recall the dreams that need to my conscious thoughts the most. When I want to dream of something it is already in my conscious thoughts and I wonder if maybe my unconscious is not very motivated to bring my dreams about this arleady conscious topic into my awareness upon wakening.
Dreams of something that don't make sense to you does need your conscious thought-- perhaps there is something there to discover.
YOu are dreaming of your current boyfriend's deceased father. Why do you think this is? I would relate this to maybe an extension of your boyfriend and and aspect of your relationship with him. Perhaps you sense that his death has a great influence over your relationship with your current boyfriend.
Marissa on July 31, 2012:
Is there a reason for not brin able to dream of an ex go has commuted suicide? I have dreams of my current boyfriends deceased father at least 2 time a year, I never hear what he is saying but I know it is him and I see him and am very excited he is there. I lost an ex to suicide about 4 years ago and have still not been able to dream about him though u want to so so bad :( I also have the same issue with my uncle who passed away never had a dream about either of them. Can someone please help me to understand why it is that I am dreaming about my current boyfriends deceased father who I only met a few times and not about my ex or uncle?
Sue B. (author) on July 07, 2012:
your dreams of your ex can mean a lot more than your feelings about your ex. Here is a related hub: https://exemplore.com/dreams/Dreaming-about-an-Ex
Based on what you shared, it sounds like your ex may reflect a lot more for you than just your feelings for him. It sounds like it may be important for you to process the relationship and learn something about yourself that accepted poor treatment and an unhealthy and abusive relationship.
Reccurring dreams often are highlighting for us an area we have not resolved for ourselves.
Is it possible your subconscious is allowing you to see the relationship as hurtful or disrepectful?
Your dreams highlight some issues related to self-esteem and self-worth. To have a recurring dreams related to feeling like you aren't measuring up to other women may mean you need to resolve this issue as it is likely impacting important decisions and influencing your life negatively.
I do recommend therapy for anyone with reoccurring dreams that do not resolve after attempting to confront the issues they appear to highlight. Sometimes a professional or an outside perspective is required to truly understand what we are not facing.
It sounds like you need to resolve the issue that kept you in an unhealthy relationship and excused abusive behavior before you are able to take your current and healthy relationship to the next level. It does not sound like your dreams are about your ex as much as they are about you and the parts of self that were highlighted by the nature of this past relationship.
If you want to read more about self-esteem I recommend these related hubs:
Want Relief on July 01, 2012:
I keep dreaming of my ex. We were together for 4 years and have been broken up for 3 years now. Each dream reflects a different situation. When we first broke up the dreams were about us being in love like we used to be. The dream made me feel very happy, an escape from reality.
Then I started having dreams of him in other relationships with women. This past dream he was running around with tons of beautiful women. In these dreams, I was physically fine with these relationships and accepted them. But I always felt a little bit of jealousy wondering why I couldn't measure up to these women. Now, mind you I am usually equally as attractive and I know my ex cared for me, but he has commitment issues. However, I believed that his subconscious was projecting in my dreams. Now, I just believe that I just may not be over him all together after all these years.
I know my ex is not good for me at all. He cheated on me and was quite abusive as well. But I saw him as someone with a good heart just in need of help. We have still kept in touch over the years, which is probably why I have a hard time moving on. Since we've been broken up, he has told me that he loves me but wishes to start over with someone new. I believe he wants someone new because he is ashamed of all he put me through.
Also, I am in a very happy and healthy relationship right now and would love to take our relationship to the next level. However, I'm afraid that I still have very strong feelings for my ex and it's not fair to my current man who is very loving. I'm hoping you can provide me a little insight to help me move past this situation. Thank you so much!!
Sue B. (author) on May 12, 2012:
Since this dream is reoccurring, it sounds like you may be trapped in a certain emotional point. To dream that you were never separated even after being separated for 8 years may mean emotionally you have not moved on.
Now the dream has changed for you which may mean you are making some progress and some changes. By refusing sex, you are distancing yourself from the emotional connection. By talking to him about what you want in a relationship, it may relate to you understanding what that relationship lacked so that you can move on and possibly find what you want in another.
Sandra on May 06, 2012:
I always have a reacuring dream that my x and I are having sex and I feel like we havnt sepperated at all. The dream feels so real. Even though I have been sepperated for nearly 8yrs.
But this time in my dream, I was crying and and refused sex and was talking to my x and telling him what I want in our relationship. (which isn't existent) He was saying nothing to me.
Sue B. (author) on May 04, 2012:
Reoccurring dreams are very important (I find anyway). If you keep having a dream, it could mean you aren't getting the message and it's important. Are you married to your daughter's father? Are you going to marry him? It sounds like you are pregnant with your daughter right now but are dreaming of her as if she was already born and a little girl. Her opinion- objecting to your marriage-- could reflect your feelings. Is your relationship with her father having a negative influence on you? Do you not think this is what is best for you and your daughter?
Now that you are pregnant, you may be seeing things different- through the eyes of a mother now. Perhaps you are attempting to look at your situation differently through what is best for your daughter. A parent may make a poor decision if it only affects themselves but may reconsider if it has an effect on her children.
This also could reflect a feeling as though you do not have room in your life for more than one love. Do you feel as though you must choose? Although dividing our attention can be hard, it is possible. It is a common parental concern that we will either need to completely forget about ourselves, our spouse, or risk being a "bad parent". This is not true, we can strike a balance between all competing needs and interests in our lives but it takes re-prioritizing and restructuring of our lives.
Christie on May 03, 2012:
I've had a reoccuring dream that I can't seem to get rid of maybe it is just my daytime wishes coming alive or maybe it is trying to tell me something a little deeper either way I need help interprating it. I am 5 in a 1/2 mnts pregnant and I repeatedly have a dream that I am standing at the altar marrying my daughters father. And when the judge says any one here who has a reason this couple shouldn't be joined in holy matromony speak now or forever hold your peace Our daughter flys forward and screams no mommy no.... Any idea what this could mean?
Sue B. (author) on January 01, 2012:
Thanks for commenting, sabrani44! Feel free to send me a dream or use my site www.dreamsbysue.webs.com
sabrani44 on January 01, 2012:
Great hub, it was very interesting to read. I often have recurring dreams....