Dark Side of Leo: Needy, Dictators, Posers, Corrupt
"Mistakes Were Made"
Befriending or marrying a Leo is like buying a theater ticket. To Leo, “All the world’s a stage.” Sagittarius too likes to headline, but unlike Sagittarians, negative Leos often don’t have any talent except for becoming dictators, divas, drama queens, or other non-starters who channel B.S. as a lifestyle.
Positive Leos are Hall of Famers, or winners of Nobel Prizes and pennants and medals, admired despite their faults and frequent physical unattractiveness. Often the trademark Leo “mane” of hair hides or draws attention away from the faces of lesser Leos, who might be either positive or negative.
Negative Leos want the same honors positive Leos get, but through shortcuts and subterfuges: copycatting, ranting like Benito Mussolini (July 29), bribes, spying, seducing, petty crime, and exploiting others more naive. They think pocketing restaurant tableware or cheating on taxes makes them street-wise and wily. Even when ashamed to be caught in a lie, Leo will lie some more because they're so overinvested in the character they're playing. Negative Leo women pout until they see money.
Leos are born from July 23 to August 22
Sequins, Hairspray, and Cubic Zirconia
Always seeking enhancements, Leos can have grisly obsessions with their looks. Horribly disfigured plastic-surgery addict Jocelyn Wildenstein (Aug. 5) wanted “cat eyes.” She got them. Shape magazine was co-founded by “Body by Betty” Weider (Aug. 2) a 1950s cheesecake model who corseted her waist and internal organs down to a freakish 18 inches. Valley of the Dolls author Jacqueline Susann’s (Aug. 20) sequins, coiffure and makeup serve as a classic template for drag queens.
Leos can be sunny and generous, but when negative Lions are criticized or told to simmer down, no shoulder is colder. A sulky Leo becomes a black hole that could suck the energy out of a Super Bowl stadium. They actually do want their sulking to spoil everyone’s outing or evening. Leos like Bill Clinton (Aug. 19) so much want acolytes and listeners they'll act like buffoons. Yet most people still speak well of Slick Willie, because by simply being his entitled Leo self he got away with it. Fellow Leo Monica Lewinsky (July 23) was shamed as their affair’s instigator, but all we truly know is that she was another attention-seeking Leo.
Leo is a treasury of attention-getting techniques and fails. A lonely, unattractive single Leo wore a theatrically oversized cubic-zirconia engagement ring “to keep the wolves away,” although "wolves" never approached; the ring at least got her some attention. Donald Trump has a Leo Moon and wants attention more than anything.
Guess My Sign!
Even If I Did It, I Wouldn't Admit It
Leo’s goal is to look cool. It’s not easy or cheap. Martha Stewart (Aug. 3), a Leo, showed us dream houses and now we mortgage ourselves to the gills to have them. Negative Leos, and Leo Moons, ache to live large, buying only “the best” liquor, luxury cars, the baddest bikes and gear, and shopping at Nordstrom Rack. They have no critical intelligence and believe TV and ads. Many go bankrupt. Clutching at name brands, celebrities, and sports teams, imitating a celebrity, even vaping the moment’s trendiest vape, a loser Leo seeks attention by trying to act like someone else.
They’ve seen other Leos bluff their way to fame and money, so why not? Washington Post journalist Janet Cooke (July 23) won a Pulitzer Prize for reporting about an eight-year-old heroin addict who didn’t exist. Jacqueline Kennedy (July 28) married Aristotle Onassis, and not for his charm. Miss Cleo (Aug. 13), founder of the Psychic Friends network, raked in millions selling lies and bullying clients. Slobodan Milosevic (Aug. 20) fancied himself a great historical figure, the “second Tito,” and thousands died because of his ambitions. Arnold Schwarzenegger (July 30) became governor of California for no good reason, and impregnated his housemaid. Posers and wannabes can learn from Madonna (Aug. 16) how even a positive Leo never gets enough attention, money, praise, air time, or sex—and still looks a little needy.
The good news is that their acting out can win them respect when they’re old, like alcoholic poet Charles Bukowski (Aug. 16), and David Crosby (Aug. 14), who finally became more famous for his songwriting than his liver transplant. When Leos are good, like Lucille Ball (Aug. 6), they are the best.
On With the Show
Leo marries because you’ll make a good secretary, servant, or yes-man. Or you’re a bottom to his/her top. Who you are and what you look like hardly matter; tell Leos how exciting and gorgeous they are, and epic sex and great martinis will be yours as long as you mirror His or Her Majesty at twice the natural size.
Pursue a relationship and Leo can make you a star in his or her own gruesome reality show or human comic strip. My awesome Leo boss lets her ex-husband live in her basement, saying it's good for their two boys. What, he's a role model? A 52-year-old Leo acquaintance has gamed himself for 20 years about becoming a Buddhist monk, and won't get a job because he might decide tomorrow.
While positive Leos love and laugh with kids, being big kids themselves, negative Leo baby mamas and daddies have babies to get love and attention, not to give it. Watch the drama as a Leo parent spites the other parent or spends the support check on tinted windows or tattoos. Often their own parents had serious problems.
Nothing is ever Leo’s fault. An end-stage negative Leo emerges from his or her sulk ranting, embittered, and filing lawsuits, and can be violent.
Most Annoying Leos Not Named in This Article
Stephanie Grisham (July 23), Jerry Falwell (Aug. 11), Sarah Huckabee Sanders (Aug. 13; but give her props for knowing when to quit), Phyllis Schlafly (Aug. 15), Kathie Lee Gifford (Aug. 16).
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