Why Do Scorpio Men Withdraw and Seem Distant?
A Guide to Your Scorpio Love Interest
This article will provide a crash course on your crush. We'll cover:
- sun sign basics
- common personality traits and how they manifest in romance
- top reasons why he's off the grid and ignoring your texts
- explanations for his off-and-on behavior and sudden blow ups
- a glimpse at sign-by-sign compatibility
- important tips for cultivating a healthy relationship
Scorpio sun signs are born from October 23–November 21, right between Libra and Sagittarius. Their element is water, meaning they navigate the world through their emotions. Their fixed, feminine energy can come off as stubborn and reserved, but don't mistake their often quiet and secretive demeanor for passivity! Scorpios are driven to action by their ruling planets, Mars and Pluto. These planets govern war, aggression, sexuality, and deep transformational change. This gives Scorpio natives an innate push to seek personal growth on a soul level.
Common Personality Traits of a Scorpio Lover
How It Shows
charismatic, magnetic, mysterious
flirts like James Bond
deeply curious but secretive
will ask you 100 personal questions but won't tell you much about themselves
the all or nothing type
can rev from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds but may let off the gas just as fast (they will likely be the one to determine the speed of a new relationship)
when they finally find "The One", they love them with every fiber of their being
will never let go, for better or worse
sensitive and intensely emotional
can hold a grudge for years but is also capable of deep healing work, tender forgiveness, and bringing dark wounds to the light
will take the time to understand their partner to their core and nurture them accordingly
wants it their way and has a hard time compromising
ignites the spark of a twin flame relationship you'll never forget
although they might instigate many fights within the relationship, they will also fight for the relationship when it needs saving
The Whole Picture
While your crush might be a Scorpio sun, his personality might be influenced by his rising, moon, and Venus signs as well. Take a look into his full natal chart to gain a more accurate understanding.
5 Reasons Why a Scorpio Man Withdraws
I have determined that a Scorpio's withdrawal usually has one of five causes (though there may be more I have not yet discovered):
1. He's confused.
He is in a situation that he has mixed emotions about and is acting distant until he sorts it out in his heart.
2. He's angry.
He is royally pissed off, and instead of lashing out, he has decided to spare you his vindictive tongue. His withdrawal is to let you know he is upset and perhaps to punish you by ignoring your texts (manipulative, but it does happen).
3. He's hurt.
He feels burned or embarrassed and has withdrawn to nurse his wounds. In my opinion, we Scorpios take offhanded comments a bit too personally. When he gets offended, he will try to go about his usual routine in silence as a coping mechanism. I do this, and I can tell you it really ticks me off when I am creating space on purpose, and someone asks me what's wrong. If they keep asking, I either lash out because I want them to go away without explaining that I am upset or I pretend that I just don't feel well.
4. He's simply being himself.
He may just be enjoying his alone time, pondering the meaning of life, or pouring himself into his passion projects. I believe that when he withdraws like this and possibilities one, two, and three have been ruled out, it says a lot about his confidence in the relationship. It tells me that he thinks the relationship is strong enough that he doesn't have to worry about putting on a show and being talkative every day. Some people may take that as being taken for granted, but I guess all I can say is, if that bothers you, talk about it. I'm not guaranteeing it will change, though.
5. He's breaking up with you.
If he completely stops communicating, he may have decided to cut all strings and end it. In other words, he is creating space in preparation to leave. I hope this isn't the case for anyone, because it says volumes about his lack of compassion for you if he isn't willing to give you closure.
Is He Showing Off-and-On Interest?
Does he seem intensely interested in you and your plans—almost coming off as a bit of a stalker—but only to go off the grid completely before once again coming onto you as strongly as before? From my experience (both as a Scorpio and as someone who has dated several Scorpio men), I'm going to explain their peculiar behavior as best as I can.
You have to understand that Scorpios are intense. When they are focused, it is with a single-minded obsession. So when he is thinking about you, it is all about you. And when he's not, he's not. Without going into why he withdraws in the first place (more about that later), this is the best explanation I can give you for the stalker-to-stranger extremes.
There will be times when he's somewhere in between extremes, but it happens less frequently than with other signs. These in-between times usually happen when he is trying to make an effort because he knows you probably don't understand his intensity or because he's genuinely curious about something you mentioned.
The best advice I can give here is to communicate. He may not be saying much, but I guarantee he is listening. Tell him how you feel. If he is a fit for you, your Scorpio will be upset that you are upset. At the very least, he will reassure you that you are not the problem.
If you aren't sure about him, don't put up with his games. In other words, if you can't tell which of the first four reasons is the reason he has withdrawn, then you really don't know each other well enough for him to play mind games and expect for you to sort it out. Tell him so. If he still doesn't answer, he isn't worth your time anyway.
Why Does He Suddenly Snap out of Nowhere?
It might seem like everything's fine when your Scorpio suddenly turns on you, leaving you feeling attacked for no reason. He can't expect you to read his mind, but here's what he might be feeling—and likely has been feeling for quite some time.
Imagine you have a dog. Now imagine you're a small child that has just discovered the dog's tail and begins to playfully tug on it. The dog loves you, understands that you don't know any better, and tolerates your curious tugging. A few years later, you accidentally step on the dog's tail. All is forgiven; the dog can tell the difference between a purposefully placed foot and an accidental injury. But now you're older and so confident in his loyalty that you constantly yank on his tail to show your friends how much he loves you. But if the dog finally turned around and bit you then, would you think, simply because it hadn't done so before, that it came out of nowhere?
I can guarantee you one thing: a Scorpio waits. They wait until they feel they have sufficient justification and then lash out. Because they know their emotions are so much stronger than others', they tolerate more than most people. They have to so that they don't feel guilty about retaliating. But when they do finally lash out, they do so in brilliant form. At this point, it's not about you understanding what he is angry or hurt about. It's about you feeling small and crushed, cowering in a corner surrounded by your guilt. And if you don't remember the first few times you tugged on his tail, because his response wasn't memorable, well—that's not his problem.
My point is, you may think it came out of nowhere, but he has been keeping track, and something tipped the scales. Just because he doesn't tell you when you have hurt or upset him doesn't mean you haven't.
Sign by Sign Compatibility at a Glimpse
Areas of Harmony
Areas of Tension
passion and intensity
anger and confrontation
stability, security, commitment
grudges and surrendering dominance
intellectualism and curiosity
differences in commitment
romance and intimacy
attachment and co-dependence
energy, love for life, lust
loyalty and trust
devotion and thoughtfulness
demonstration of affection
keeping the bond when romance flickers
freedom vs. possession
ambition and personal space
soul-searching and sentimentality
attachment and co-dependence
What Determines Compatibility?
In astrology, there are several complex methods of determining compatibility beyond sun signs. However, remember that astrology should be used as a tool to better understand your partner and your unique dynamic, not to define the relationship and its outcome. Any sign can date any sign; however, studying synastry can help pinpoint particular strengths and challenges in any partnership.
Tips for a Healthy Relationship with a Scorpio
The following are key pillars of any strong relationship, but these may need some extra attention when dating a Scorpio.
- Trust: Most of Scorpio's negative behaviors stem from a fear of rejection, betrayal, or abandonment. When they feel safe with their partner, they will likely not only open up but pour their best qualities into the relationship.
- Communication: If he's being unresponsive or giving vague answers, try to maintain an assertive communication style—not aggressive or passive-aggressive. Be clear and gentle with your questions, making it known that you are willing to listen to his thoughts and feelings without judgment.
- Boundaries: Define what limits you and your partner need, whether that be in regards to commitment, privacy, or mutual independence.
- Space: Scorpio men are notorious for needing massive amounts of their own space, but feel entitled to infringe on yours. Decide as a couple whether you need more or less alone time, and how to ensure genuine trust while you're apart.
- Intimacy: Sexuality is often essential to Scorpio expression. Whether or not your relationship includes physical sex, emotional intimacy and vulnerability should be honored with mutual consent and honest discussion.
- Forgiveness: Did we mention that Scorpios are sensitive and hold grudges? If your partner is feeling burned, apologize by acknowledging their feelings—whether or not you feel at fault. Often, they just need to feel heard and validating their pain can be an easy cure. However, be sure to assert your need for forgiveness and compassion. Resentment is a silent killer of any bond.
Remember, your partner's sun sign is never an excuse for abusive behavior. These tips are meant to mitigate possible challenges in a Scorpio partnership, but if you ever feel threatened, manipulated, or mistreated—they are not worth your wellbeing. On the same note, don't let Scorpio's bad reputation lead you to misjudge someone. There are plenty of respectful, loyal, and honest folks born in Scorpio season, just as with any other sign. Discern your partner based on their true character, and let astrology be secondary to your gut instinct!
- Struthers, Jane. Sun Signs (2005).
- Edut, Tali & Ophira. The Astro Twin's Love Zodiac (2008).