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The Reasons You Are an Awful Person According to Astrology

Updated on January 10, 2017
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Sarcasm, straight shooting, satire and snark - Christin tackles all with her sharp little bark!

A humorous look at the dark side of Astrology and the negative traits of the Zodiac
A humorous look at the dark side of Astrology and the negative traits of the Zodiac | Source

Take Note!

This is a parody—meaning humor piece. It is not intended to be a serious study in Astrology, although the meanings below did indeed draw from challenging traits said to be associated with the various signs. This article was written with tongue in cheek. Please keep this in mind if you are easily offended!

Every sign is fair game in this article. It's going to be harsh, over-the-top, and all in good fun. There is no escape. Whatever sign you were born under, I will illustrate to you why it was written in the stars that you are a horrible human being.

If you leave here with a reduced self-esteem and your fragile ego torn into tiny tatters, then my job as a ruthless, backbiting Scorpio sadist is done.

Evil traits associated with the Astrological sign of Aries
Evil traits associated with the Astrological sign of Aries | Source

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You are not only arrogant and confrontational, you are also extremely rigid and dogmatic. Like a boa constricting its prey with its relentless death grip; your ego avoids being bruised at all costs, even if it means alienating everyone around you.

No such thing as a purposeful debate with an Aries. You don't need things like facts and empathy for others getting in the way of your opinion. Nope, once you've made up your mind nothing, truly nothing at all, will change it.

When you're not busy annoying the will to live out of everyone around you with your aloof, know-it-all, condescension, you spend a great deal of time engaging in reckless, impulsive and undisciplined behaviors.

When a project needs to be done, you're the one who will systematically "half-ass" it, leaving it sub-par and unfinished for everyone else to attend to while you set off on your next adventure. You're the person that makes the office a truly wonderful place—when you leave.

The dark side of Taurus
The dark side of Taurus | Source

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your tendency towards self-indulgence and laziness is truly perplexing. You believe very much that the world owes you something, but lack the motivation to get up and actually work. Your possessiveness and materialistic nature often makes you jealous of others, especially the ones who actually work for the things you covet.

Your possessive nature and tendency towards jealousy also make you prone to stalking and never knowing how to take "no" for an answer, in anything, ever.

You mistake the term “frugal” with “cheap”—meaning you don't date much. You are not only cheap and self-indulgent, you tend to be rude as well. Another reason many of you live in your mother's basement well into adulthood.

The dark side of Gemini.
The dark side of Gemini. | Source

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You're a nervous Nellie who lacks decision making ability. Your inability to focus is not only annoying, it causes you to miss out on opportunities in life, which is odd considering how much value you place in superficial things like status symbols.

Gemini people are so naturally intelligent they bore easily, which is really just a lame excuse for being flaky and undependable.

What you lack in organization, you make up for with almost limitless energy. No one can create a chaotic workspace with as much enthusiasm as you.

Your dual personality means you are bi-polar moody with no direction, boundless energy and a tendency towards intense anxiety. In other words, you are a high-strung basket case and most people think you're nuts.

The dark side of Cancer in the Zodiac.
The dark side of Cancer in the Zodiac. | Source

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You are moody, oppressive, chronically pessimistic, hyper-emotional, and suffocatingly clingy. If that weren't enough, you are also prone to being a nag and will find something in any situation to unceasingly complain about.

You see every tiny challenge in life as Everest and are a chronic victim. No one on Earth has known the troubles you've seen. Everywhere you go, a violin should be following you playing a sad song.

You are more drawn to home life than excelling in career areas because—well, you can't. Your brooding pessimism and hypochondria cause you to miss too many work days and eventually you get fired, either because you don't show up, or because people really just don't want you to anymore.

The dark side of Leo.
The dark side of Leo. | Source

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Your ego truly knows no bounds. You are indeed a legend in your own mind; and can't understand why others don't share the same opinions you beat them over the head with constantly while tooting your own horn.

You have an uncanny flare and excessive need for drama, coupled with an equally large lack of talent. You never let that stop you from hogging the spotlight though, because at least you are incredibly good looking.

Your sexiness and good fashion sense is of course what truly matters in your superficial world. Forget the ocean, you're about as deep as a birdbath—one that hasn't been filled in awhile.

Your controlling nature, obsessive need for attention, constant demands and lack of patience make your good looks the only thing that keeps you alive. This is especially true for Leo children who would never survive into adulthood were they not the cutest kids ever born.

The dark side of Virgo.
The dark side of Virgo. | Source

Virgo (August 23 – Sept 22)

You're fussy, hyper-critical and stubborn. This, coupled with your wholly anal retentive nature and inability to ever be pleased, make you easily one of the most excruciatingly painful people to ever have to work or live with.

You have a tendency to remain stuck in the past and to avoid all forms of modernization, while constantly complaining that nothing is working as well or efficiently as it should. No one can teach this dog any new tricks. You might learn something. Of all the signs in the zodiac, your lack of ingenuity and creative problem solving abilities is truly astounding.

You speak your mind and know that it's through “tough love” that great things happen. You value constructive criticism and brutal honesty above all else, especially when you're the one constantly dolling it out, but not so much when the favor is returned.

No matter your age, your stunning lack of personality makes you the epitome of the grumpy old man screaming at the neighborhood kids to get off his lawn.

The dark side of Libra.
The dark side of Libra. | Source

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You are the ideal partner for the zodiac's more dominant signs. Your excessive vanity, inability to ever make up your mind and to be easily swayed by the opinions of those around you, make you an excellent trophy wife or doormat.

The Libra mantra is why bother having an actual thought or doing any hard work so long as you can get by with your good looks? All that thinking and being independent is hard! Libra's don't do well with anything that is emotionally challenging, unless it's their natural knack for passive aggressive behavior.

You actually have an amazing gift for playing other people. Most see you as indecisive and sort of gullible, but that's not always true. You are actually quite clever and able to show people exactly what they want to see in order to charm them into giving you your own way.

It's almost as if you aren't stupid at all and are actually very, very manipulative despite appearances to the contrary. Hmm how about that? Well played Libra, well played.

The dark side of Scorpio.
The dark side of Scorpio. | Source

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You are the most ruthless and despicable sign of the Zodiac for a reason. Seriously, no one has anything nice to say about Scorpios except you're sexy—and well that's because all the idiots from the other signs love the challenge of a “bad” boy or girl to tame who also happens to be kind of hot.

If you are unfortunate enough to be a heartless, vindictive Scorpio you've probably learned by now that your seductive nature is about the only positive thing you have going for you in the eyes of humanity. It's a good thing you take pleasure in the suffering of others or your existence would be utterly woeful.

Scorpios are by far the worst of the worst. Narcissism, jealousy, rage, blind ambition, and shrewd intellect with no compassion; you've got it all. It's like a smorgasbord of pure evil. No one is as manipulative, cunning, secretive or power hungry and nobody holds a grudge like you.

A scorpions competitive nature and need to be the leader of the pack make them formidable enemies. They will hunt you to the ends of the Earth and they never let go of a grudge. Even if you didn't do anything, if a Scorpio just doesn't like you you'll find yourself the target of their blind fury and they will delight in your destruction.

Scorpions often sneak up on their prey before stinging them and the people with this sign are no different. Even when they are smiling in your face, they are plotting your demise, unless they have a use for you, then you may be safe for awhile.

The dark side of Sagittarius.
The dark side of Sagittarius. | Source

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your utter lack of tact and diplomacy should ensure that everyone hates you, but for whatever reason, you have a fiery, magnetic personality that draws people in. Like a moth to a flame that is.

You have a passion for brutal honesty and claim to be a believer in great truths. This unvarnished truth only applies to the often distorted visions of reality in your head however, and your love of brutal honesty only travels one direction—out of your own mouth.

Despite your amazing talent for being blunt, you have a stunning inability to accept even the most constructive criticism without it being viewed as a personal assault, which is really rather ironic.

As a Sagittarius, it is your tendency to overestimate pretty much everything about yourself. You never screw up because in the land of your own mind, you can't do anything wrong and someone else is always to blame.

It's a good thing you are such a unique, quirky person with a sense of adventure otherwise your tendency towards inconsistent, careless and impulsive behavior might be seen as just reckless or stupid. Actually, it still kind of is.

The dark side of Capricorn.
The dark side of Capricorn. | Source

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You have the personality of a tree stump. Of all the signs, you are the most whiny and boring. You will always see the glass half-empty (or more), and nothing will convince you otherwise. You are the buzz kill at parties and you can suck the light out of the sunniest day.

You have never done anything spontaneous in your entire life and are quite confident that your unimaginative way of doing things is the right and proper way for everyone.

You are so preoccupied with yourself that you likely don't even notice how quickly people work to escape your presence. You are deeply in tune with your own rich emotional depths and can lament endlessly about anything, so long as it is about you.

You feel emotions with such passion one might think you should be an empathetic, caring soul, but that would be untrue. You have an astounding inability to empathize with others and only view their pain by comparing it to your own eternal suffering.

Some say you're shy—you're actually not, you're completely self-absorbed and anti-social. You aren't an introvert, you're an a**. Oh, nevermind. Suffice it to say, you have zero social skills and spend a lot of time alone because you are your own favorite person.

The dark side of Aquarius.
The dark side of Aquarius. | Source

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You are unpredictable, inconsistent, unyielding and stubborn. Your all or nothing attitude secures your spot as an extremist in whatever areas you obsess about in life. You are a control freak and probably a bit of a narcissist which enables you to turn your emotions on and off at will and as needed.

You feign good listening skills, but the truth is you have your mind made up and no amount of reasoning, facts, or other such inconveniences are going to get you to part with your own version of the truth. Wherever a passionate, illogical, irrational extremist is needed an Aquarius is there to heed the call.

You have never been on time to any event ever. If it was possible for anyone to actually be late to their own funeral; it would be you. You are unpredictable, detached and don't care if your tardiness impacts others in a negative way. The team members you work with hate you.

You do what you want when you want and laugh in the face of any semblance of order. The only time you don't do this is when others happen to be running late—at that point you get all cranky and moody and wonder how anyone could have the audacity to inconvenience you.

You are manipulative, moody, melodramatic and probably pretty much any other negative M word there is - or any other letter of the alphabet for that matter.

The dark side of Pisces.
The dark side of Pisces. | Source

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your idealism knows no bounds, which is probably why you spend most of your life escaping from reality rather than doing any actual work. You're the wounded idealist who is chronically demoralized and you have the ability to turn any molehill into a mountain larger than Everest.

Your perfectionism stops you before you ever really try. Everyone else's best could never be good enough for you because you are such a special snowflake.

You are very fussy and unreasonable to most people and others don't really like it when you seek to help them, since you are only doing it for selfish reasons.

You are not as altruistic as you would have people believe. Your need to be needed and recognized fuels your desire to help others. The motives of a Pisces are never pure and they often come with a price. Munchausen anyone?

Your over-sensitive and pessimistic nature, combined with your self-sabotaging perfectionism means you are destined for a life of mediocrity. You will never be truly successful at anything, because doing that would require you to get out of your own way—and that's just not in your nature.


So there you have it: the dark side of Astrology and the reasons why, no matter who you are, you are an awful human being, especially if you are a Scorpio like me.

Know any negative traits I missed? You're welcome to share them in the comments below—if you dare!

Do you recognize the dark humor in your sign?

See results

© 2015 Christin Sander

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    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 days ago from Midwest

      Uhoh Kaya I'm afraid of you lol

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      Kaya 3 days ago

      Scorpio. And when im mad this is spot on lol

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 2 weeks ago from Midwest

      sounds like a wise decision mylifeisalie - thanks for stopping by.

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      Mylifeisalie 2 weeks ago

      All of the traits for both Aquarius and Pisces would be me on a bad day. Just a mixed flurry of emotions XD

      But if I was ever like either of these two, I just lock myself away or spend sometime in solitude. I'd rather deal with it alone without the need to "unload" all of it on someone else.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 2 weeks ago from Midwest

      So you're a fellow Scorpio too then Rachelle? hehe

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      Rachelle 2 weeks ago

      Coming from a Scorpio there's is no surprise in any of these

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 2 weeks ago from Midwest

      I'm scared of you then Peggy ;) thanks for the read and comment.

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      Peggy Partica 2 weeks ago

      Well even though its suppose to be humor its accurate about me expect the jealousy one.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 weeks ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      It appears to be a cross between poor reading comprehension & the absence of a funny bone......poor schmucks! Whatever....I laugh enough for all who do not!!

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 4 weeks ago from Midwest

      lol Paula - I figure if people are going to snark at me and lack reading comprehension, I'll just snark back - why not? :D After all this post is a place to embrace our dark sides right? lol

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 weeks ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Christin...Ya know, girlfriend...some days, it just ain't worth trying 2 explain a damned thing. The fog is much too THICK! LOL..Smile, & have a nice Sunday!

      I have a T-shirt that says, "I can explain it 2 U, but I can't understand it 4 U!"....

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 4 weeks ago from Midwest

      So get a divorce and some therapy Jasmine. Why stay with someone you hate? wow.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 4 weeks ago from Midwest

      so is your comment maryanne, have a nice day now. HUMOR - it's satire.

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      Jasmine 4 weeks ago

      I'm a sagitarious and I am only sarcastic when i feel someone is basically pushing my buttons .i dont like making someone feel bad but sometime you have to question things. My spouse is also same sign but I hate him he is a wimp a scary cat all talk like a big man behind closed doors I just hate him every day I leave home just to stay away I'm depressed I have no friend he doesn't talk to me ! I'm so sad...

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 5 weeks ago from Midwest

      Thanks for the blessings Shyron - sounds like you and your husband are a hoot. :)

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 5 weeks ago from Texas

      You speak your mind and know that it's through “tough love” that great things happen. You value constructive criticism and brutal honesty above all else, especially when you're the one constantly dolling it out, but not so much when the favor is returned, but I am married to the Aries grumpy old man who is constantly returning the favor and then some. Thanks for the laugh.

      Blessings my friend.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 5 weeks ago from Midwest

      As a Scorpio I am not supposed to be known for diplomacy lol - I'm such a failure... sigh. ;)

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 5 weeks ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Christin....Your sign must shine with diplomacy! "Tenacity?" Such a nice, positive term for unyielding stubbornness!! LOL

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 5 weeks ago from Midwest

      I knew you were a fiery one Paula - an Aries eh? I actually respect the tenacity of a few Aries people I know and they aren't as bad as all that lol. Thanks for dropping in again - great to see you. As for people not taking it seriously - a lot of the comments where I was literally cursed at and told to do assorted unkind things to myself were moderated lol.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 5 weeks ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Christin...I replied to this way back when but read it again today. This is one of the funniest articles I've read here in a very long time. (I can't imagine anyone being so lacking in the "humor gene" as to take this seriously for a moment!! LOL.)

      I re-read my sign "flaws" and laughed even harder than I did the first time.....I'm really a very rotten creep. Really, I would never be friends with a person with the traits of an ARIES!! If it's all the same to you, I'm consulting another Astrologist! LOL

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 5 weeks ago from Midwest

      Sorry to hear that Tasha, perhaps your narcissistic Leo friend should stop being so rude and inviting himself places.

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      tasha 5 weeks ago

      I'm a nervous air head who deflects and irritates and I recently screwed up a night out with my leo friend (typically he invited himself out with me) ...what am I??? You guessed it! Gemini

    • profile image

      Fatma 6 weeks ago

      That was hilariously accurate, I'm a leo and yea my looks are my survival traits

      Not to brag coz That will wither away someday.. and im a lazy dreamer .. that's all I do.. or not do

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      Tiff Tiff 6 weeks ago

      I'm a Pisces but I share zero qualities with my sign- whether it be good or bad. I'm more of an Aquarius. Is this normal?

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      Travis Fletcher 6 weeks ago

      I don't have much objection but still some.Im a Gemini and I have almost no friends and I despise gossip.I am more than reliable,i'm not flaky but I can be indecisive and nervous.Every day is trial to rise above these negative traits and I prevail everyday.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 7 weeks ago from Midwest

      Ms G, did you skip the 3 places that said this was satire? I think you did. Apparently reading comprehension isn't a strong Taurus trait either.

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      Ms G 7 weeks ago

      I disagree with the comment on Taurus. They are not jealous,lazy are live in their mothers basements. We have 9 Taurus members in my family and they all are very independent yes love nice things and work hard for them. Very honest and love helping others and most of all very good friends to have. You describe an Aries who lies, cheat, selfish,arrogant,mean controlling,and love taking from and using others. The most thing about Aries they are surly a narcissist. Look it up it will make u cry for those whos in a relationship with one of these people.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 2 months ago from Midwest

      LOL Ko - perfect response ;) have a great day.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 2 months ago from Midwest

      An honest person is a smart person I suppose Tere ;) thanks for the read and comment.

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      KO 2 months ago

      Pisces here. I ageee with everything but being a perfectionist. Probably because my shrink has be on so many drugs. Lol

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 2 months ago from Midwest

      Oh Pilorin,

      I don't know if I can stand that kind of heat - it goes against my nature to have to be so PC - but ultimately I want my work to stay published here LOL... I do have another one in the works on relationships and compatibility ;) that should be a whopping good time! :D thanks for the read and comment.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 2 months ago from Midwest

      Oh my Jessica, I hope not :) Most cancers I know are actually pretty intense, but ultimately very deeply feeling and compassionate people. cheer up and don't make me drag out the violin.

    • profile image

      Jessica Sanders 2 months ago

      I'm a cancer and most of what it said was true...

    • profile image

      Pilorin 2 months ago

      Hello and thanks for writing this! I read it out loud to my Pisces boyfriend and we were just laughing and agreeing on most of it.

      Some Capricorn in the comments said something about smacking someone on a table and moving on... That's so true for an angry Capricorn like me! I rarely feel remorse for my bad actions :/ I'm working on It!

      Now you, Christine, as a Scorpio, apologize a lot! What's the matter with you? If people get offended it's their problem, not yours!

      I read all of them and my Sagittarius ascendant and Pisces moon agree with your article. It was fun and accurate. You should write another one! A more controversial one moohoohahahaha

    • profile image

      NOPE 3 months ago

      As a scorpio I would like to say that the scorpio section in consistent

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      Luc 3 months ago

      As a Capricorn I'd have to agree to disagree, not offended because i see myself in at least two of these things. I will admit that i am pessimistic at times (seeing the glass half full) . I am stubborn but I'd say I'm more self-deprecating than I am self-absorbed I'm definitely aware when people lose interest in me or at least i will assume they have lost interest so I'll push them away or remove myself from their presence completely. Antisocial, boring, or rigid is something I'm definitely not I am definitely open to change and trying new things i feel that you learn more when you do. I believe the reason being is because of the major I chose in uni involved a lot of communicating which means you have to be social, I had many scholarships but I chose to go to on scholarship to a uni in America not stay in England so the fact that I ventured outside of my comfort zone is also what I believe helped me, I loved meeting new people in uni through the social gatherings on campus each time I was invited unless there was an exam I had to cram for I made it my business to go, as a kid i was a bit antisocial and it was because I was too afraid of what people would think of me or i just never knew how to start off a topic you know how sometimes your brain just can't form a sentence so it goes kaput!? Well that was me until I met people who shared the same interests the fact that we could respect each others differences is what made uni pretty enjoyable in the states.

      I've seen ALL of these things in my Capricorn friend born on the 6th of January they came off very apathetic and cold it would make me uncomfortable but being a Capricorn i can agree that I've been apathetic towards someone but only and only when they've screwed me over that is when I will completely shutdown on you and not trust you at all or if you continue to put yourself in a situation that you can easily change yet keep making excuses for then i will no longer empathise with you, i think that's with anyone tho. I know this is satire but most of the things in Capricorn I've actually seen in some of them and i just wanted to share my input on how important I'd think it'd be if our horoscope got out and became a bit more social it really does help. :)

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 months ago from Midwest

      Thanks Chrissy for being honest ;).

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      Chrissy 3 months ago

      I am a bit just a bit like like that i am Aquarius

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 months ago from Midwest

      Rolly, Do you need to check your reading comprehension skills dearest? This is a SATIRE piece as stated MANY times throughout the whole article. I get really tired of people with no sense of humor moaning at me when they don't even know what they are reading. LOL.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 months ago from Midwest

      Dear Pisces, it was SATIRE, thank you - love Scorpio ;)

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      Krtk902vqgrqu@gmail.com 3 months ago

      I'm Pisces..almost everything correct around 80%...but that defeatist not even match with me...I don't fail and when i fail I accept it,not give up I surely comeback again to do it....I never expect of defeat,so saying Pisces defeatist not good,I enjoyed this nice site

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 4 months ago from Midwest

      Aww Juice, I'm sorry you feel that way ;) lol

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      Juice 4 months ago

      I am Pisces, and i take it personally, because your post is almost true.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 4 months ago from Midwest

      Not really sure what you are trying to say here Shreya - but this post was a satirical post - not to be taken too seriously.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 4 months ago from Midwest

      Hmmm Tina, I wasn't aware that incontinence was associated with any of those signs ;) ... thanks for the read and comment glad you enjoyed the post.

    • profile image

      shreya chopra 4 months ago

      I am virgo & feels that every human being is blessed with positive & negative traits. There is only one reason is that people keep on saying about till they think you are better than them.

    • profile image

      Tina 4 months ago

      Pisces ascendant, Sagittarius sun, Gemini moon and I think I peed a little reading me and my hubby's signs lol you nailed it

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 4 months ago from Midwest

      lol good one TheOne ;)

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      TheOne 4 months ago

      I think I saw in a dictionary Aries being a synonym of "Superman". Oh, and I wrote the dictionary. :^)

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 4 months ago from Midwest

      lol thanks Kenneth, we also tend to share the same dark sense of humor in our sign too eh? :)

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      Kenneth 4 months ago

      Wow,how much more,accurate could you get??lol,us scorpios have a way of reading others very well

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      Vpd 5 months ago

      Scorpios are good at Flattery! Big time!

      Sting in the back means - Lack of confidence up front, ie always looses the first round or bout..

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 5 months ago from Midwest

      Another good - you have a sense of humor :) Thanks Taii - If I had a nickel for all the snowflake comments I get on this satirical hub, it would be making me much better money ha! Glad you got a laugh out of it - that was my hidden sadistic Scorpion goal - make them all die laughing. ;).

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      Taii 5 months ago

      Gahahahahaha I'm over here dying of laughter because of how true this is for all these signs, especially mine--- Aquarius. :'D Ascendant in Aquarius, too, so what sh*t you see is what sh*t you get, lol.

      I have done and continue to do all these things lol. I was laughing so hard at everything. . . And the only reason I can accept that and not get my little ego's feels all bend out of shape is because I constantly am trying to remedy my bad parts. I've pretty much realised all this was true years ago and am presently trying to not be a massive toolish dick, lmao. XD

      Also, my moon sign is Sag, which had me completely relating to the 'complete lack of tact and diplomacy.' You hit the nail on the head. XD

      I constantly say the WORST sounding things, yet I still have friends somehow? :'D If I had a nickel for every friend's ego I've thoughtlessly bashed. . .

      Couple that with Aquarius' superiority complex means I cannot tell when I am talking down to people. :'D Literally.

      My only winning trait is that I call it like it is on myself, too. Haha, if I bash you, I bash me too and laugh about it~ ;D

      Don't get me started about my Leo boyfriend with a Pisces moon, and Ascendant in Scorpio. :'D Jesus. . .

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 5 months ago from Midwest

      Awesome Xcogitant - I love it :) One of my closest friends is a Gemini and so was my grandfather - they both really did talk a lot - of course my grandpa was my favorite person in the world and I was too young to know if he knew what he was talking about or not lol ;)

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      Xcogitant 5 months ago

      That was really light tbf; am used to being likened to a mosquito or so by other astrologers (Gemini) xD

      "Gemini people are so naturally intelligent they bore easily, which is really just a lame excuse for being flaky and undependable."

      That's pretty accurate, am true to type and usually half-finishing 5675464 projects. I change my mood/mind a lot too. I am always being distracted and end up doing several things at once because they need to be done. Not unusual to have 20+ tabs open in a browser.

      "You are a high-strung basket case and most people think you're nuts." - Agree 0.o. So would everyone else.

      You forgot to mention the fact we never stop talking ;D Although I don't see an incessant mouth as a negative trait, it sure as hell annoys some others (particularly Scorpios who want to murderize us!) We like to learn and explain random things through as many lenses as possible because they excite us, and verbalizing it all is just an automatic function of Gemini xD Despite debates, and plenty of playing Devil's advocate, tbf, am not even sure that (m)any of us has a solid belief or opinion about anything whatsoever, however, but it's just how it is (I like tagging ideologies and theories with probability quotients).

      - Honest Gemini (or is that an oxymoron?)

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      Christin Sander 6 months ago from Midwest

      I'm sorry Natasha - at least you aren't a Scorpio like me ;) thanks for the read

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      natasha 6 months ago

      truth be told , Sagittarius

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      Christin Sander 6 months ago from Midwest

      I'm a horrible, soulless, vindictive Scorpio ;) lol

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      Olivia 6 months ago

      Very funny Chris! Loved it. What's your sign?

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      Christin Sander 6 months ago from Midwest

      Ok then Chris good luck with that :)

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      Chris 6 months ago

      I'm a Virgo so I'll add some more nasty astrology about me...and all you other Virgos!!! First of all in 2017 we Virgos stop getting in our own way. This includes destroying the barriers we build around ourselves. No more hours spent in obsessive mental activity. No more hate and fear. We Virgos are full of hate and fear, like hating people who can't do their jobs, hating people who unnecessarily move things, hating brash people, hating wasting money, being scared to shine, scared of becoming sick, scared of our own imperfections, it goes on and on. It is time for Virgos to break out in and out of the bedroom.

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      Christin Sander 6 months ago from Midwest

      Glad you enjoyed it Mikele and took in the spirit with which it was intended :)

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      Mikele 6 months ago

      I love it... 90% true to a Pisces like me. Haha

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      Josh Silva-Arias 6 months ago

      I love it!

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      Christin Sander 6 months ago from Midwest

      Oh my word, why do people not read the 5 different places I say this is a satire piece. My experience with Astrology is minimal, I've studied it a bit with some interest but find it lacking overall. Psychology and Sociology are much better subjects to study to gauge actual human behavior. this was a comedy piece. The very first paragraph states " This is a parody—meaning humor piece. It is not intended to be a serious study in Astrology, although the meanings below did indeed draw from challenging traits said to be associated with the various signs. This article was written with tongue in cheek. Please keep this in mind if you are easily offended!"

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      Balakrishna Kondapalli 6 months ago

      Aquarian myself it was a nice article and prediction of one's negative traits.

      Most of them seems to be true as well as false.

      Example: 2nd paragraph and the line

      pretty much any other negative M word there is - or any other letter of the alphabet for that matter.

      I would like to know about your experience with astrology.

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      Christin Sander 6 months ago from Midwest

      :) Thanks for the read and comment patrycja much appreciated

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      Patrycja 6 months ago

      I'm spontaneously replying because I'm sitting here alone having a coffee with my favorite person! Oh, Christin Sander you're my new favorite. And what, no wiki page do call your own?!

      So apropos for all! I LOVES IT!

      Yes, as a Capricorn I can even bore myself! Nearly every sign is in my family, this really is them! It's quite comical AND they think I'm nuts! I'm going to make a montage of these and J. Hall quote "He is a very humble man, that thinks not himself better than some others"

      Kudos Christin Sanders

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      Christin Sander 6 months ago from Midwest

      anon, I've known many Libras I was born to one, I'm married to one, divorced another one - you'd think I'd learn lol

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      Christin Sander 7 months ago from Midwest

      Oh dear Chisom,

      you truly have seen the dark side of some people. Very sorry for what you went through. I doubt it was due to their birth signs, I'm guessing she was an outright narcissistic psychopath and he was an idiot. In the end, you were probably better off that she ended up with his lying, cheating butt. I hope things are improving for you now.

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      Chisom 7 months ago

      My best friends and worst enemies belong to the sign of Scorpio for whatever reason. The worst enemy I had from that sign (born Oct 27) broke up my marriage and married my husband (Sagittarius) through lies and deception. She told him our daughter was somebody else's child and provided fake proof. Not only that, she tried to kill me before our wedding because she had a crush on him. During our engagement, my husband and I had problems and temporarily broke up, and he started flirting with her. To her credit, she didn't know we were engaged. When she did know, she never let it go. Especially when she found out him and his family were millionaires and that I was also pregnant. She literally seethed with jealousy and felt I had stolen him from her. Either way, she broke up our marriage and took him for herself. Ignoring the fact that I had three children. But I hate him too for constantly cheating on me with her. To hell with both if them!

      {Libra born Oct 22}

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      Christin Sander 7 months ago from Midwest

      Ha Denise, I'm married to a Libra and was raised by one so I understand all too well your devious, sneaky ways ;) thanks for reading.

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      Denise 7 months ago

      Spot on for me as an indecisive Libra who can use charm for good or bad....Damn you! HA!!

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      Christin Sander 8 months ago from Midwest

      Understood Karlicious - it wasn't you, it was them ;) - just kidding. I've known some PITA Aquarians myself. Thanks for the read, comment etc. glad you enjoyed the hub.

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      Karlicious 8 months ago

      Omg haha your description of Aquarians is soooo accurate! I know this is a satire, but it describes actual Aquarians I know perfectly. They really are self centered and show offy. They think they know everything and are sort of insensitive to others' opinions and the way people get around things. They believe that everyone is wrong, and that they are right. They have a suppermassive superiority complex! Not your ideal friends haha.

      Of course, not all Aquas are the same, I've just been through a lot of bad things with the many many Aquarians I knew :(

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      Christin Sander 8 months ago from Midwest

      haha Tyler, best of luck to you and thanks for the read and comment.

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      Tyler 8 months ago

      This was hilarious, and equally true, sadly. Atleast for me as a Sag. I shall heed your words and seek to better myself in these areas, but my futile attempts will be quickly dashed by my inconsistent commitment.

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      Christin Sander 9 months ago from Midwest

      Embrace your dark side Karen it'll be alright ;) glad you enjoyed it.

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      Karen Watson 9 months ago

      Hi this was quite amusing, & oh so not untrue, i'am a Libra, so what was said about be able to play people, i never really thought of it in that way, i would just have thought i have the ability to convince people to see things as i do, if this is being manipulative i guess i would describe myself as a soft sell, funny stuff.

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      Christin Sander 9 months ago from Midwest

      Picked up on that did ya Syoni :) Nice to meet a fellow Scorpio hell minion. Thanks for the read and comment - oh and for having a sense of humor and recognizing Satire.

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      Syoni 9 months ago

      Omg, this is flipping hilarious! Gosh being a scorpio is rough, rough, rough! The worst of the worst and the only likable quality, the only good thing for humanity is, seduction. Well, hell, I'll take that. I am flipping sexy and don't sweat anyone's mess ever. Lol, I guess I can just shake my boobs at the world and watch it burn, muahahaha.

      Just playing, all these blurbs were a good little look at the darker yet, intriguing side of the zodiac. Good show.

      Ps, knew you had to be in the scorpio club some kinda way with your very witty and snippy replies. Tell them, like Janelle Monae, get off your areola!

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      Christin Sander 9 months ago from Midwest

      Thanks Adriana

      Glad you enjoyed the humor from a fellow screwed up human ;).

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      Adriana 9 months ago

      Hey Abbi,

      "Despite your amazing talent for being blunt, you have a stunning inability to accept even the most constructive criticism without it being viewed as a personal assault, which is really rather ironic."

      Relax, it's humor. Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself. I'm a Pisces and I admit, that is spot on. All I can do is laugh at myself and see myself as it is. These all crack me up and are all spot on. We are all a little bit screwed up, we are human. Love the humor! Thanks for sharing Christin!

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      Ankita 9 months ago

      Absolutely relatable... #gemini

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      Christin Sander 9 months ago from Midwest

      Hey Abbi,

      Satire. Reading comprehension is your friend. You should try understanding what you've read before posting in haste? Who am I? A writer of Satire - for people with a sense of humor.

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      Abbi. 9 months ago

      Who are you to tell people you don't even know what's wrong with them? I am a Sagittarius, but what you said isn't true. I know my place and I don't cross the boundaries of being too honest. What you said wasn't right nor was it true.

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      Christin Sander 9 months ago from Midwest

      Thanks for the read and comment Alex, glad you enjoyed the hub

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      Alex 9 months ago

      yes I am a crusty old man much of the time! But loved the dark Saggi humour on all of the signs. Too bloody true. Astrology is a fascinating often accurate study. But puzzling as to why it works, despite the Guaquelins, there is still no real theory. with the aid of Parker's Astrology. have Just done an eyeball on Theresa May, Sun Libra wth 4 planets in Leo, 2 in Virgo, Brexit may well be her Nemesis.

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      M.P 9 months ago

      I'm not usually late to events, but if I am, it's either because I don't care about the event or it's something I'm not really interested in. Example: Going to a convention that I'm not really interested in with friends lol.

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      Christin Sander 9 months ago from Midwest

      Sorry to disappoint Bhaarath.... I'll try harder next time.

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      Bhaarath 9 months ago

      Wasn't as ruthless as expected.

      -Virgo

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      Christin Sander 10 months ago from Midwest

      Awesome Vashti, nothing wrong with a dark sense of humor. I find it to be one of my better traits lol.

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      Vashti 10 months ago

      OMG! Not only do I recognize myself, my entire family is accurately described! Yes, you guessed it. Dysfunction junction. Good thing I can laugh at myself, while others are merely fodder for my rather dark sense of humor. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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      Christin Sander 10 months ago from Midwest

      Oh dear, I feel sorry for your friends then Linds ;) Thanks for the read and comment

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      Christin Sander 10 months ago from Midwest

      Well, you know what they say - in every tease/joke there is often some truth. :)

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      Linds 10 months ago

      This is dead on. Me and my husband are such a holes lol

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      Bonnie 10 months ago

      I thought this was hilarious!! There are definitely some things that are true!

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      Christin Sander 10 months ago from Midwest

      J, it was a satire piece not a serious study in Astrology.

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      10 months ago

      It had some good points, but people have difrerent planet signs with different influences which make this inaccurate.

      For example, my sun sign is sagittarius, but i still have some scorpio traits due to my scorpio moon, mars and venus.

      At the end the post still describes signs quite well. Enjoyable