The Reasons You Are an Awful Person According to Astrology

Updated on January 10, 2017
ChristinS profile image

Sarcasm, straight shooting, satire and snark - Christin tackles all with her sharp little bark!

A humorous look at the dark side of Astrology and the negative traits of the Zodiac
A humorous look at the dark side of Astrology and the negative traits of the Zodiac | Source

Take Note!

This is a parody—meaning humor piece. It is not intended to be a serious study in Astrology, although the meanings below did indeed draw from challenging traits said to be associated with the various signs. This article was written with tongue in cheek. Please keep this in mind if you are easily offended!

Every sign is fair game in this article. It's going to be harsh, over-the-top, and all in good fun. There is no escape. Whatever sign you were born under, I will illustrate to you why it was written in the stars that you are a horrible human being.

If you leave here with a reduced self-esteem and your fragile ego torn into tiny tatters, then my job as a ruthless, backbiting Scorpio sadist is done.

Evil traits associated with the Astrological sign of Aries
Evil traits associated with the Astrological sign of Aries | Source

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You are not only arrogant and confrontational, you are also extremely rigid and dogmatic. Like a boa constricting its prey with its relentless death grip; your ego avoids being bruised at all costs, even if it means alienating everyone around you.

No such thing as a purposeful debate with an Aries. You don't need things like facts and empathy for others getting in the way of your opinion. Nope, once you've made up your mind nothing, truly nothing at all, will change it.

When you're not busy annoying the will to live out of everyone around you with your aloof, know-it-all, condescension, you spend a great deal of time engaging in reckless, impulsive and undisciplined behaviors.

When a project needs to be done, you're the one who will systematically "half-ass" it, leaving it sub-par and unfinished for everyone else to attend to while you set off on your next adventure. You're the person that makes the office a truly wonderful place—when you leave.

The dark side of Taurus
The dark side of Taurus | Source

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your tendency towards self-indulgence and laziness is truly perplexing. You believe very much that the world owes you something, but lack the motivation to get up and actually work. Your possessiveness and materialistic nature often makes you jealous of others, especially the ones who actually work for the things you covet.

Your possessive nature and tendency towards jealousy also make you prone to stalking and never knowing how to take "no" for an answer, in anything, ever.

You mistake the term “frugal” with “cheap”—meaning you don't date much. You are not only cheap and self-indulgent, you tend to be rude as well. Another reason many of you live in your mother's basement well into adulthood.

The dark side of Gemini.
The dark side of Gemini. | Source

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You're a nervous Nellie who lacks decision making ability. Your inability to focus is not only annoying, it causes you to miss out on opportunities in life, which is odd considering how much value you place in superficial things like status symbols.

Gemini people are so naturally intelligent they bore easily, which is really just a lame excuse for being flaky and undependable.

What you lack in organization, you make up for with almost limitless energy. No one can create a chaotic workspace with as much enthusiasm as you.

Your dual personality means you are bi-polar moody with no direction, boundless energy and a tendency towards intense anxiety. In other words, you are a high-strung basket case and most people think you're nuts.

The dark side of Cancer in the Zodiac.
The dark side of Cancer in the Zodiac. | Source

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You are moody, oppressive, chronically pessimistic, hyper-emotional, and suffocatingly clingy. If that weren't enough, you are also prone to being a nag and will find something in any situation to unceasingly complain about.

You see every tiny challenge in life as Everest and are a chronic victim. No one on Earth has known the troubles you've seen. Everywhere you go, a violin should be following you playing a sad song.

You are more drawn to home life than excelling in career areas because—well, you can't. Your brooding pessimism and hypochondria cause you to miss too many work days and eventually you get fired, either because you don't show up, or because people really just don't want you to anymore.

The dark side of Leo.
The dark side of Leo. | Source

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Your ego truly knows no bounds. You are indeed a legend in your own mind; and can't understand why others don't share the same opinions you beat them over the head with constantly while tooting your own horn.

You have an uncanny flare and excessive need for drama, coupled with an equally large lack of talent. You never let that stop you from hogging the spotlight though, because at least you are incredibly good looking.

Your sexiness and good fashion sense is of course what truly matters in your superficial world. Forget the ocean, you're about as deep as a birdbath—one that hasn't been filled in awhile.

Your controlling nature, obsessive need for attention, constant demands and lack of patience make your good looks the only thing that keeps you alive. This is especially true for Leo children who would never survive into adulthood were they not the cutest kids ever born.

The dark side of Virgo.
The dark side of Virgo. | Source

Virgo (August 23 – Sept 22)

You're fussy, hyper-critical and stubborn. This, coupled with your wholly anal retentive nature and inability to ever be pleased, make you easily one of the most excruciatingly painful people to ever have to work or live with.

You have a tendency to remain stuck in the past and to avoid all forms of modernization, while constantly complaining that nothing is working as well or efficiently as it should. No one can teach this dog any new tricks. You might learn something. Of all the signs in the zodiac, your lack of ingenuity and creative problem solving abilities is truly astounding.

You speak your mind and know that it's through “tough love” that great things happen. You value constructive criticism and brutal honesty above all else, especially when you're the one constantly dolling it out, but not so much when the favor is returned.

No matter your age, your stunning lack of personality makes you the epitome of the grumpy old man screaming at the neighborhood kids to get off his lawn.

The dark side of Libra.
The dark side of Libra. | Source

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You are the ideal partner for the zodiac's more dominant signs. Your excessive vanity, inability to ever make up your mind and to be easily swayed by the opinions of those around you, make you an excellent trophy wife or doormat.

The Libra mantra is why bother having an actual thought or doing any hard work so long as you can get by with your good looks? All that thinking and being independent is hard! Libra's don't do well with anything that is emotionally challenging, unless it's their natural knack for passive aggressive behavior.

You actually have an amazing gift for playing other people. Most see you as indecisive and sort of gullible, but that's not always true. You are actually quite clever and able to show people exactly what they want to see in order to charm them into giving you your own way.

It's almost as if you aren't stupid at all and are actually very, very manipulative despite appearances to the contrary. Hmm how about that? Well played Libra, well played.

The dark side of Scorpio.
The dark side of Scorpio. | Source

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You are the most ruthless and despicable sign of the Zodiac for a reason. Seriously, no one has anything nice to say about Scorpios except you're sexy—and well that's because all the idiots from the other signs love the challenge of a “bad” boy or girl to tame who also happens to be kind of hot.

If you are unfortunate enough to be a heartless, vindictive Scorpio you've probably learned by now that your seductive nature is about the only positive thing you have going for you in the eyes of humanity. It's a good thing you take pleasure in the suffering of others or your existence would be utterly woeful.

Scorpios are by far the worst of the worst. Narcissism, jealousy, rage, blind ambition, and shrewd intellect with no compassion; you've got it all. It's like a smorgasbord of pure evil. No one is as manipulative, cunning, secretive or power hungry and nobody holds a grudge like you.

A scorpions competitive nature and need to be the leader of the pack make them formidable enemies. They will hunt you to the ends of the Earth and they never let go of a grudge. Even if you didn't do anything, if a Scorpio just doesn't like you you'll find yourself the target of their blind fury and they will delight in your destruction.

Scorpions often sneak up on their prey before stinging them and the people with this sign are no different. Even when they are smiling in your face, they are plotting your demise, unless they have a use for you, then you may be safe for awhile.

The dark side of Sagittarius.
The dark side of Sagittarius. | Source

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your utter lack of tact and diplomacy should ensure that everyone hates you, but for whatever reason, you have a fiery, magnetic personality that draws people in. Like a moth to a flame that is.

You have a passion for brutal honesty and claim to be a believer in great truths. This unvarnished truth only applies to the often distorted visions of reality in your head however, and your love of brutal honesty only travels one direction—out of your own mouth.

Despite your amazing talent for being blunt, you have a stunning inability to accept even the most constructive criticism without it being viewed as a personal assault, which is really rather ironic.

As a Sagittarius, it is your tendency to overestimate pretty much everything about yourself. You never screw up because in the land of your own mind, you can't do anything wrong and someone else is always to blame.

It's a good thing you are such a unique, quirky person with a sense of adventure otherwise your tendency towards inconsistent, careless and impulsive behavior might be seen as just reckless or stupid. Actually, it still kind of is.

The dark side of Capricorn.
The dark side of Capricorn. | Source

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You have the personality of a tree stump. Of all the signs, you are the most whiny and boring. You will always see the glass half-empty (or more), and nothing will convince you otherwise. You are the buzz kill at parties and you can suck the light out of the sunniest day.

You have never done anything spontaneous in your entire life and are quite confident that your unimaginative way of doing things is the right and proper way for everyone.

You are so preoccupied with yourself that you likely don't even notice how quickly people work to escape your presence. You are deeply in tune with your own rich emotional depths and can lament endlessly about anything, so long as it is about you.

You feel emotions with such passion one might think you should be an empathetic, caring soul, but that would be untrue. You have an astounding inability to empathize with others and only view their pain by comparing it to your own eternal suffering.

Some say you're shy—you're actually not, you're completely self-absorbed and anti-social. You aren't an introvert, you're an a**. Oh, nevermind. Suffice it to say, you have zero social skills and spend a lot of time alone because you are your own favorite person.

The dark side of Aquarius.
The dark side of Aquarius. | Source

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You are unpredictable, inconsistent, unyielding and stubborn. Your all or nothing attitude secures your spot as an extremist in whatever areas you obsess about in life. You are a control freak and probably a bit of a narcissist which enables you to turn your emotions on and off at will and as needed.

You feign good listening skills, but the truth is you have your mind made up and no amount of reasoning, facts, or other such inconveniences are going to get you to part with your own version of the truth. Wherever a passionate, illogical, irrational extremist is needed an Aquarius is there to heed the call.

You have never been on time to any event ever. If it was possible for anyone to actually be late to their own funeral; it would be you. You are unpredictable, detached and don't care if your tardiness impacts others in a negative way. The team members you work with hate you.

You do what you want when you want and laugh in the face of any semblance of order. The only time you don't do this is when others happen to be running late—at that point you get all cranky and moody and wonder how anyone could have the audacity to inconvenience you.

You are manipulative, moody, melodramatic and probably pretty much any other negative M word there is - or any other letter of the alphabet for that matter.

The dark side of Pisces.
The dark side of Pisces. | Source

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your idealism knows no bounds, which is probably why you spend most of your life escaping from reality rather than doing any actual work. You're the wounded idealist who is chronically demoralized and you have the ability to turn any molehill into a mountain larger than Everest.

Your perfectionism stops you before you ever really try. Everyone else's best could never be good enough for you because you are such a special snowflake.

You are very fussy and unreasonable to most people and others don't really like it when you seek to help them, since you are only doing it for selfish reasons.

You are not as altruistic as you would have people believe. Your need to be needed and recognized fuels your desire to help others. The motives of a Pisces are never pure and they often come with a price. Munchausen anyone?

Your over-sensitive and pessimistic nature, combined with your self-sabotaging perfectionism means you are destined for a life of mediocrity. You will never be truly successful at anything, because doing that would require you to get out of your own way—and that's just not in your nature.


So there you have it: the dark side of Astrology and the reasons why, no matter who you are, you are an awful human being, especially if you are a Scorpio like me.

Know any negative traits I missed? You're welcome to share them in the comments below—if you dare!

Do you recognize the dark humor in your sign?

See results

Questions & Answers

  • I am on the cusp of Scorpio and Sagittarius. Do I pick and choose, or add the two together?

    You get to be twice as awful - congratulations to you and humanity.

  • Would a Pisces and Virgo make a good couple?

    You would be perfectly awful together.

  • Are Pisces attracted to Scorpios?

    Everyone's attracted to Scorpios. It's our only redeeming quality.

  • Are Scorpios the best in everything they want to be?

    I'm a Scorpio, so yes, of course, this is a true blanket statement about all of us. We are especially awesome at being sarcastic sociopaths wouldn't you agree?

© 2015 Christin Sander

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      7 days ago from Midwest

      No doubt about it. You're as terrible as everyone else in the zodiac.

    • profile image

      bala 

      7 days ago

      I guess I am a badass n a self lover too.

    • profile image

      P.Sanjeeva Reddy 

      7 weeks ago

      Really very interesting.Being a Libran I could easily identify with many of the traits mentioned.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      7 weeks ago from Midwest

      You're brave and refreshingly honest random person lol

    • profile image

      random person commenting once and leaving the website afterwords 

      7 weeks ago

      im a gemini and id say thats sorta accurate

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      8 weeks ago from Midwest

      I'm scared of you Beth ;). I'm a Scorpio with Capricorn Rising so I'm scared of me too when I'm not boring myself to death.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      8 weeks ago from Midwest

      Well played MrFsMrs lol

    • profile image

      MrFsMrs 

      8 weeks ago

      Hahahahahaha good article. I realize it's satire but there IS some truth in statements! Too bad people take themselves too serious to know that. Anyways I'm taurus and too lazy to.....

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      2 months ago from Midwest

      Haha Mellissa, nice one. I can definitely see the miser in the Cap sign ;) good luck at work.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      2 months ago from Midwest

      I'm sorry Fatima. I'm surrounded by Leos, I have the good fortune to not know any Virgos though.

    • profile image

      Mellissa 

      2 months ago

      Im a Cap and I have tonnes of empathy.....now I know why. I guess I'll go back to reading my gothic novel in the candle light. I have to save money on electricity....I love money. Then Im off to work again!!

    • profile image

      Fatima 

      2 months ago

      I have no words everything so true about Virgo.Word by word.Btw I’m Leo and I agree about us too!

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      2 months ago from Midwest

      Your hyperactive emotional response to satire kind of ironically proves my satirical point about Cancer Arit lol

    • profile image

      Arit 

      2 months ago

      The most inaccurate description of cancer!

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      2 months ago from Midwest

      I'm sure James lol it's not you, it's everyone else.

    • profile image

      James 

      2 months ago

      Incredibly accurate about my most recent ex (Scorpio) but 100% off about me (Aquarius).

    • profile image

      Beverley 

      2 months ago

      Devorah, i agree with you im also Capricorn born Jan 12th. Sag nails it.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      3 months ago from Midwest

      Well I suppose your name is very fitting then ;).

    • profile image

      I'm an Aquarius 

      3 months ago

      And I find it funny how it said every negative word that starts with a letter M is about me. My name starts with a letter M!!

    • apaqua profile image

      Annelise 

      3 months ago from copenhagen Denmark

      Christin Sander Lol I was sarcastic to about my genius light

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      3 months ago from Midwest

      As Scorpios we also have dark humor and an appreciation for satire as well - good job.

    • profile image

      Moon 

      3 months ago

      Hmmmm Scorpios are famous for being evil, but I do believe there are other sunsigns like Sagittarius, aquarius, capricorn and taurus who can be quite as evil and sometimes even more. I'm a scorpio myself and I agree about us being manipulative lol. Anyway it was a fun read. I was laughing out loud while reading about scorpio.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      3 months ago from Midwest

      Charlotte, you may not be successful at reading comprehension as this article states in numerous places that it's Satire. Satire means snarky and not serious - it was dark humor, a joke etc.

    • profile image

      Charlotte 

      4 months ago

      I am a Pisces and overall I can agree with the negative traits listed, but I don’t agree that the motives of a Pisces are never true, I I also don’t believe that I’ll never be truly successful at anything. I do recognize from past experiences that it is more difficult for me to be truly successful, but I know I can

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      4 months ago from Midwest

      Sorry you feel that way Annelise, but this was a satirical look at astrology. Perhaps you need to find new friends who do value you. Every human being has flaws and strengths and they have nothing to do with your date of birth, they are all human.

    • apaqua profile image

      Annelise 

      4 months ago from copenhagen Denmark

      Born 3 feb. and that is me .......but it hurts me when ppl cant se my genius my ligth

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      4 months ago from Midwest

      If you actually believe that astrology can tell you everything you need to know about yourself by only your sun sign you haven't really studied astrology, or met a varied amount of people. You also probably missed where this article is a satirical look at the dark side of astrology and in no way a serious study. I have no idea why you are a Sagittarius trapped in a Capricorn's body - but I wouldn't go bragging about either one.

    • profile image

      Devorah 

      4 months ago

      Im a true and blue Capricorn. Born January 15th. But I relate insanely to almost everything about the Sagattarius! Any explanation? I relate to Sags all the time. Stuff running through facebook, pinterest, and the internet. It all matches my personality (A capricorn) with a Saggitarius. Its crazy!

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      5 months ago from Midwest

      Of course it is Kat ;)

    • profile image

      Kat 

      5 months ago

      I'm a pieces and no. This is horribly wrong lol

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      6 months ago from Midwest

      Sounds like you need a new circle of friends June hehehe signed a Scorpio ;).

    • profile image

      June 

      6 months ago

      Gemini with virgo rising.. I found this to be mostly true for not only my sign but everyone that I know, well everyone that I know their signs...the Scorpio is on spot with the ones I know... Kinda freaky actually....

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      6 months ago from Midwest

      Thanks Aditi, critique doesn't bug me at all. Cursing and threats to me do and that has happened - over an Astrology hub and it's happened several times actually. I know it's over the top - that's the point of Satire ;) It's supposed to be brutal which is the dark humor of it.

    • profile image

      aditi 

      6 months ago

      truly speaking though it may seem like its too negative (well I guess that's what the post is about ) but its perfectly true well at least in my case and true in a way that when i think of it now it seems quite correct . I realized that I act that way sometimes well maybe not all the points but atleast some of them well unconciously

      and either way dont let this bother the shit outta u

      ur perfect in your own way

      aqua out

    • Savio Dawson profile image

      Savio Koman 

      6 months ago from Mumbai, India

      I realize that the people who have commented here are the more jolly ones. My earlier comment is in fact, meant for such future irritants who may come across this particular article. That said, after reading your engrossing post, they wouldn't have time to read my comment.. :)

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      6 months ago from Midwest

      Thank you Savio :) It amazes me the amount of people who don't get this concept sometimes lol. Of course, they likely aren't reading the parts that say it's satire, yet alone other comments before opening their mouths. Fortunately the worst of the worst (cursing, name calling, threats) are filtered out and don't appear here, you should see what some have had to say. People take their astrology very seriously and themselves too! :D

    • Savio Dawson profile image

      Savio Koman 

      6 months ago from Mumbai, India

      Guys, just do one thing before posting any more comments. Please go on Google and type "Satire Meaning" and see what it says. Once you do, come back and read the article once again with a bit of perspective. Hope it helps.. I am Aries by the way... :)

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      6 months ago from Midwest

      SATIRE. Apparently you don't understand what satire means.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      6 months ago from Midwest

      A fun Capricorn? Well, there's a first time for everything I suppose ;). Glad you recognized this was satire and not a serious study in astrology - signed the "evil Scorpio" writer ;) lol.

    • profile image

      ddayvies 

      7 months ago

      If anyone is taking this hard, don't. You'd have to consider more aspects in your chart to make a true assessment. I'm a Capricorn with a Sag moon and Leo rising sign.. I'm way more awesome than this thing is describing me! I'm fun! I swear I'm so fun! . . The sun sign is a small piece of the puzzle. So don't let this get you down folks. (Although it's funny to look at signs other than yours and go yep mmm hmmm yep lol)

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      7 months ago from Midwest

      what piece were you reading GMoney? no one had positives in this article because it was meant to be snarky and full of satire :).

    • profile image

      GMoney 

      7 months ago

      So funny how everyone had positive traits mentioned except Aries.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      7 months ago from Midwest

      Thanks Beth - if you refer to the piece you'll see I didn't intend it to be a serious study in astrology ;). Most of us aren't as bad as I portrayed lol.

    • profile image

      Beth 

      7 months ago

      VIRGO here and while most of the post for us is true, not all Virgo have difficulty with problem solving and creativity. I am on the opposite side of the spectrum. I brainstorm well, I have several invention ideas and I have never met a craft I didn't enjoy.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      7 months ago from Midwest

      Sagittarius folk know how to read and have a sense of humor - :) The worst of the angry ones (those who threaten or curse) were deleted by moderators - imagine that lol :D

    • profile image

      Happy Sag 

      7 months ago

      Sagittarius here! (capricorn moon, libra rising). I'm so surprised so many people got angry!

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      7 months ago from Midwest

      I'm sure you're the coolest Gemini that ever was Robert ;) thanks for the comment.

    • profile image

      Robert 

      7 months ago

      Im a Gemini and most of this was way off, though it may be due to my Capricorn moon. Mellow-ist Gemini you ever met, half the time ;P.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      7 months ago from Midwest

      Glad you got the humor in it Mercedes, now go use your good looks to manipulate some poor unsuspecting soul ;).

    • profile image

      Mercedes 

      7 months ago

      This was amazingly funny. Rolling around laughing!!! Lovely libra here. Looking in the mirror right now ;)

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      7 months ago from Midwest

      Real Scorpios don't cry Izzy. Also, it was satire ;) lol

    • profile image

      Izzy 

      7 months ago

      Wow... The Scorpio one hurt, Just a little bit. *crying inside*

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      7 months ago from Midwest

      Yes, while I'm at it Earthly I'll also explain how to reread the several portions of this article that state it's Satire.... you're welcome.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      7 months ago from Midwest

      I'm a Scorpio and I hate you forever now because you say you've never met a decent one ;) lol

    • profile image

      Earthly the frog 

      7 months ago

      Can someone please tell me why it says pieces and Gemini don’t connect but it also says they do wtf

    • profile image

      Xijah 

      7 months ago

      Honestly the scorpio is so spot on, its funny cause everybody makes mistakes in life, including scorpios which then leads to holding a grudge part..should all the other signs hold a grudege forever too ? dont like tar everybody with the same brush but i have never met i decent scorpio...

    • profile image

      Look here 

      7 months ago

      Scorpio's aren't that hard or tough. Seriously, the only people that would say that are those who either played a Scorpio, embarrassed a Scorpio when they did opened themselves up in all honesty. See the people that are in the Scorpios trust worthy circle... are those who see and understand our approach to life and anything for that matter. Yes.. there are some pretty messed up Scorpio people out there. But keep in mind every single one is different. Some died and are hateful. Some learned how to open up more to the world. So stop being a whiney bitter jerk and fess up to whatever you did wrongly to that Scorpio.. you will see things in a different light! Trust me.. that Scorpio wouldn't be like you going around blabbing about how horrible they are. A Scorpio is the type that would say good things about you before you crossed them. And keep the rest hidden until you acknowledge your misunderstandings. Not hard at all. That gives Scorpio people a chance to admit they were wrong and learn to grown as a better person. It does work.. use compassion.. not hard at all. Fyi

    • Ginsgirl profile image

      Ginsgirl 

      8 months ago

      Proud Aries woman here! Yes, it is about me! Hello? Are you listening to me? Hey! Do i need to slap the taste out ya mouth!?

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      8 months ago from Midwest

      thanks for the read and comment Liz, I did mention initially it wasn't meant to be a serious study in astrology ;) so I'm sure a lot of things are more than a tad off lol - at least I hope so!

    • profile image

      Liz 

      8 months ago

      Leo! :'D

      - dying on the inside- too funny ! almost spot on! I think some stuff about a couple other signs is a tad off but I def see the stuff about Leos- especially guy Leos! I think I'm on the cusp so I see traits of Virgo in me too though .

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      8 months ago from Midwest

      Yes, we Scorpios have the ultimate power and ability to say words that are both true and untrue simultaneously ;) thanks for the comment.

    • profile image

      Jamal 

      8 months ago

      Hi I'm pisces everyone learn from his mistakes we pisces for sure not selfish people we want to help to make the world better place ur article is soo funny but because you have the nature of Scorpio you feel you have the power and the ability to say theses words. Your words it's not true I laugh on it laugh is good thank you

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      9 months ago from Midwest

      I believe you Dolores - mine's all wrong too ;) lol thanks for the read and comment.

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 

      9 months ago from East Coast, United States

      This is so wonderful that I was reading it over the phone to my sister. Funny how so many people I know fit your descriptions perfectly. Except me. Mine is all wrong!

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      9 months ago from Midwest

      SATIRE Far too many people take this article way WAY too seriously.

    • profile image

      YP ~ 

      9 months ago

      Hi, don't get me wrong but as a piscean I really dislike the fact that you wrote my sign is destined for mediocricy.

      I can relate myself to some extent to what you've mentioned like i do seek perfection (who wouldn't really?!) Don't we want to do everything well e.g. students want good grades, parents want the very best things for their lads; i am not selfish to that extreme, everybody is, isn't it? I ALWAYS TRY to help my friends; hypersensitivity - i am not an emotional fool, i do get emotional like once in a while but as a student i am really stressed/ depressed over silly mistakes i do in exams maybe because as you said we (my sign) will never be successful because of the predestined failure inpending on Pisces, to be honest we are human and as such we are bound to have emotions and feelings, who wouldn't cry over death of loved ones or other things like marital breakdowns or failure; pessimist and defeatist, IF BEING AFRAID OF FAILURE counts then YES i am these 2 but believe me everyone be it students, investors, businessmen are always afraid to fail, I am more realistic in the sense that i do evaluate my chances in everything now if i point out the risk of my failure should it be pessimism?!

      To conclude:

      I would like to say that I hate being a Piscean since it is considered to be the weakest (all the positive traits it has are not really valued nowadays)

      I am not posting this so as to get any emotional support of any sort because it is assumed that Pisces lack mental strength and get emotional & hyper sensitive and as such want to get attention and help.

      I would like to thank you for your article, it was interesting and it will help me on focusing to reduce these negative traits.

      But if really these stuffs (destiny being written before) are true that I better not live such a predestined life!

      I am a Pisces sun, aries in moon and rising gemini!

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      9 months ago from Midwest

      Do I sense a kindred spirit Natasha? ;) lol

    • profile image

      Natasha 

      9 months ago

      It applies to me. Scorpio here.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      10 months ago from Midwest

      Right? so on the money ;) lol

    • profile image

      brownin329 

      10 months ago

      (Aries) Nailed it! hahahahaha! And Scorpio too. My brother is exactly like that.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      10 months ago from Midwest

      Sam I said throughout it was SATIRE - meaning a parody. I always find it ironic the people who don't read, then attack me and talk about how awful I am. I'm not the one running around attacking people on the internet. Get a grip - whatever sign you are, you need it.

    • profile image

      Sam Ates 

      10 months ago

      Most horrible and sadistic writer ever! No zodiac is as bad as you made them up! A quick dose for anyone to get depressed by reading your awful article!

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      10 months ago from Midwest

      I sure hope not Nupur ;) but thanks for the read and comment.

    • profile image

      Nupur 

      10 months ago

      You wrote it all correct!

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      10 months ago from Midwest

      I see what you did there somebody ;) well played.

    • profile image

      Somebody 

      10 months ago

      You are the most horrible writer about zodiacs i have read. you are so mean and nobody likes you. You have no friends. lol

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      10 months ago from Midwest

      You're welcome Serenity ;) glad you enjoyed the article.

    • profile image

      Serenity 

      10 months ago

      Wow , true i am a Pisces and dream more about perfection than actually trying to achieve it , thank you for the kick in the b*tt loll

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      10 months ago from Midwest

      Oh my Ollie - that is kind of bad. Of course, I'm a Scorpio and I like silence so maybe not.... lol

    • profile image

      OllieNamikaze 

      10 months ago

      So awful we dont talk for 2 weeks lol

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      10 months ago from Midwest

      Oh dear Ollie - I think you and your gf have a very strong blend of awfulness going on ;) lol thanks for reading.

    • profile image

      OllieNamikaze 

      10 months ago

      Im a leo, cancer moon and gemini rising it hit right on!! Except the clingy part lol im more extroverted abd caring i show it all... Peoples are scared to approach me when they wanted to know me lawl...

      My gf tho it nailed right on so lazy taurus , virgo, aries and pisces

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      11 months ago from Midwest

      haha annamay, glad you got the humor and I'm sure you're a lovely person - for a Capricorn ;).

    • profile image

      annamay 

      11 months ago

      Oh me oh my. I spend a lot of time alone, with my favorite person in the world, ME! Only because I have to! Capricorn here. You are very right about the Scorpio too. moo hahahahahaha.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      11 months ago from Midwest

      You say I'm too nasty and then call me vulgar names - typical. If you don't understand dark humor than kindly keep your unwarranted opinions to yourself. No f's given about your opinion either there Jill.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      11 months ago from Midwest

      Glad you got a kick out of it Humaira - although if you found it to be that accurate that's a bit scary ;) lol.

    • profile image

      Humaira 

      11 months ago

      I am Gemini.. And its amazing how accurate my dark side is..

      Married to a Taurus man.. And lol! Everything I Champlain about him was written here :p

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      11 months ago from Midwest

      Glad you have that dark Scorpio sense of humor Rose - you may want to choose better friends ;).

    • profile image

      Rose 

      11 months ago

      LOL I love that! It's sad how accurate this is about me (a Scorpio hehehehe) and my Aries, Taurus, and Sagittarius friends!

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      12 months ago from Midwest

      Thanks funkiegrl, although it was designed as Satire and I'm kind of afraid of you and your loved ones if you actually find these spot on ;)

    • profile image

      funkiegrl 

      12 months ago

      Most zodiac descriptions are written with the same formula time and time again. Reading this was refreshing and I had a good laugh about the truth and honesty of these. I'm a Pisces, my husband Libra, my daughter Sag, best friend Virgo etc and these were spot on, Thank You!

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      12 months ago from Midwest

      Thanks Eva, glad you got a laugh out of it - life's short :) humor is good.

    • profile image

      Eva 

      12 months ago

      This was so spot on with so many signs....i laughed so hard though. Wonderful read

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      12 months ago from Midwest

      True Joe, but this is a humorous and not philosophical article and every human being has a dark side - very true. I think when we laugh about it, it makes it easier to face and to work around, rather than what most do - try to push it away and pretend it doesn't exist at all for them and everyone else has a problem :). Thanks for the read and comment.

    • profile image

      Joe 

      12 months ago

      Lucky for us all,most of these start with a choice. Our choices determine if its true. Because its there on the table, doesn't mean we have to pick it up. We can be the positive in all the signs with a few minor slips (: . Its what we chose mostly that defines who we are i believe. But the dark side stays there calling to us all, until we pass on.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      12 months ago from Midwest

      Uhoh Kaya I'm afraid of you lol

    • profile image

      Kaya 

      12 months ago

      Scorpio. And when im mad this is spot on lol

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      12 months ago from Midwest

      sounds like a wise decision mylifeisalie - thanks for stopping by.

    • profile image

      Mylifeisalie 

      12 months ago

      All of the traits for both Aquarius and Pisces would be me on a bad day. Just a mixed flurry of emotions XD

      But if I was ever like either of these two, I just lock myself away or spend sometime in solitude. I'd rather deal with it alone without the need to "unload" all of it on someone else.

    • ChristinS profile imageAUTHOR

      Christin Sander 

      12 months ago from Midwest

      So you're a fellow Scorpio too then Rachelle? hehe

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, exemplore.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://exemplore.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)